Loneliness: Fear of losing friends & family

Many People have big Anxiety in lonliness. The causes of social difficulties and fears often lie deeper. It is important to recognize these in good time.

Teenagers in particular are afraid

The fear of loneliness increases in our Society  more and more to. Numerous studies prove this. A survey shows that every fifth German is most afraid of being without friends and without friends Family to be lonely This fear is particularly pronounced among Germany's teenagers. In the current survey, more than one in three young people between the ages of 14 and 19 (34,4%) named the possible loss of friends and family as their greatest fear.

It was the same with Sarah Peters, who wrote about it in her book “The outside remains outside: How I didn't leave my apartment for years because of fear - and hypnosis healed me”, published in 2019 by MVG:

Suddenly divorced child

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Then that one day came, I was twelve. It was a Saturday morning and we were all sitting at the breakfast table. The mood was strangely depressed, Mama, Papa, no one was talking, everyone was eating quietly. After breakfast, my then eight-year-old brother was sent to my room, and I tormented him Headwhat could be going on. Did I do something? Why are they looking so serious? I looked at my parents with a pounding heart. My father explained to me matter-of-factly that I had for sure noticed that something had changed recently. No, I did not have. I sat there completely clueless and had no idea what he was getting at. He meant him and mine Mother have only been friends for some time now, would no longer be like Mann and Ms. live together and want to separate now. My first thought: Oh! And is that why I have to sit here now? I didn't feel any emotions, after all, I didn't know any communal family life, so what was going to change? The next question that crossed my mind: How do you behave in such a situation? Shouldn't I cry now? Ready and ready, as I knew it from the many children of divorce in my class? Being a child of divorce, how does that even work? My parents then told me that nothing would change for my brother and me for the time being, except that my father would move into the basement first. So, basically everything as usual, we would continue to live past each other and give the perfect family to the outside world. My only concern was: what will I do if Dad moves out at some point? Then I'll be alone with mom.

Living in the patchwork family

My father moved in again with a new partner. A dark chapter began in my life. It was a quick change: my mother out with her boxes and her stuff, my father with his stuff, new partner and her three-year-old son in. It was a hustle and bustle! There she was, the new woman in our house. The new woman at my father's side. She was eight years younger than my father, always perfectly styled and thoroughly modern. With her blonde hair and her open, funky manner, she was so very different from my mother. At first we got along wonderfully clear. I want you. She was caring and nice. However, until then I had only seen her every two weeks at the weekend when I was visiting my father. Now there she was! In our house. In exchange for my mother. "We're a blended family now," they said. Awakened, lively, full of power, she ran through the house. Redistributed the rooms. A tornado that swept through my home. She wanted to get rid of the old furniture, it was too dark and unfashionable for her. Another kitchen was also needed, she had to redesign everything in order to build a new nest for us – the blended family. My father was completely entranced by his new wife. He was euphoric that the family model had returned to us. He was so happy to have found a replacement for my mother. So we stood there - with all our wounds. My father, the abandoned husband who had worked stupidly for the family for years, with his image of a family and a Conceptthat failed. Who now put all his hope in the patchwork model. His new wife, who from now on was no longer a single mother in a small apartment, but had a new husband, two new children and a big house. And my brother and I, the newly separated children. In addition, I was in the middle of puberty. Hallelujah! We all had our own emotional hurts. It could only go really wrong. And it worked.

Important: balance between job and private life

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The survey also shows how important the Balance between work and privacy is, you don't want to be completely lonely. Maybe that's the overriding reason for that Success of social media and mobile technologies. But it is precisely these fears that make it important to integrate social contacts more into everyday working life.

It is also problematic that many people also maintain private contacts during working hours and bosses do not like to see that. Another, often practiced Alternatives: Colleagues become a social group with which you also spend your free time. If you lose your job, it becomes difficult because you lose your entire circle of friends in one fell swoop.

When self-chosen loneliness becomes a problem

A pair of Problem In our society, however, as I know from my own experience, everyday working life leaves less and less time to maintain one's private social contacts: Job-related relocations, overtime and job anxiety make it difficult to constantly maintain social contacts. This soon creates a vicious circle from which it becomes increasingly difficult to get out of it yourself.

It was the same with Sarah Peters: during her studies, she developed an anxiety disorder and then continued to withdraw into herself. So she could not leave her apartment for four years, the self-chosen loneliness became a problem. In the end she found her way back to life thanks to hypnotherapy. Today, as a hypnotherapist, she helps and inspires other sufferers, and also works as a certified hypnotherapist and naturopath for psychotherapy with her own practice. She sees the reasons for these problems in her own youth experiences, as she writes in her book:

When releasing emotions causes fear

My father tried more and more desperately and doggedly to save our "patchwork bubble". Lost in a tunnel. Moving to a new house, to a new city should be a fresh start. Once we live in another house with no memories of my mother at all, then everything will be fine. It's quite clear. Of course it didn't help. On the contrary, it only got worse. Also because he realized that his plans were not appropriate Effect brought. In our new house, we children were accommodated in the basement, and the connecting door upstairs was locked by my father's wife as soon as she was out of the house with her son. She then put my food for the day on the stairs that led to the basement. Family spirit is different. While my father was out on Father's Day trips with the wife, her son and my brother, I was supposed to scrub the balcony as punishment. I stood on the balcony, saw them all get into the car - and understood them Welt no more, was disappointed. My brother was only eleven years old and saw where rebellious and resistant things were going in me Behavior led. He had his own difficulties in the constellation and found for himself Strategiesto deal with it. He adjusted. We - who had never had a sibling relationship before - grew even further apart. The emotional abuse left deep wounds. Who can I trust when I can't even trust my own father? The feeling of not being right, not being lovable was constantly present. Rejected by his own father. Hosed down like an animal in the shower. Worthlessness. I started splitting off feelings more to endure all the shit and not break it. During that time I lost that Trust in other people more and more. I only had myself, that was the only thing I could hold on to. At some point the woman at my father's side explained that she could not go on living like this, that the current situation was too stressful for her. "Either she goes or I do." You can guess who got to go. My father soon found the perfect one too Solution for me: a boarding school somewhere in the middle of nowhere, in an idyllic health resort in the Harz Mountains. True to the motto: »From the Eyes, from the Sinn. «Nice and far, 400 kilometers. I certainly don't have to describe how I felt against my will to be sorted into a small health resort, far from my surroundings, from friends. Now my father had finally decided - for the new one, who was now in charge in our house.

Social contacts despite work - how does it work?

Those who identify their fears, isolation and loneliness as a problem in good time can, like Sarah Peters, actively do something about it. Social networks and that Internet can, despite all the points of criticism, offer a good opportunity to maintain contacts even over longer distances and when there is a lack of time.

If you cannot do this on your own, you should seek professional help in good time and take action against loneliness. So that it does not end with the thoughts that Sarah Peters also describes in her book and which she luckily did not then implement:

game over Nothing in my head except the occasional thought: You banged it up, Sarah. screwed up I knew neither forward nor backward. And for the first time in my life the thought came to me: You end it now. Now and here. What is this supposed to be? Otherwise I've always been someone who finds a solution, sees the good even in the bad. Now I had reached a point in my life where I no longer wanted to find a solution. Any solution would have power and Energy tasted I didn't want to bring that up anymore. Tired of life, that was me. Taking my life seemed the easiest. Simply. Yes, it should just be easy! I considered rationally, without any emotion. How should I do it? The easiest and most painless option seemed to me to be taking pills. But which ones – and how many? If so, then properly and with a plan, Sarah! Not that you end up in a shack if it doesn't work out. I was too exhausted, too empty, to even think through this plan. Do you have to think about everything afterwards? There's time, don't run away. And so I lay there. Without thoughts, without feelings. One of the calmest moments I've ever had in my life.

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