How do I behave when my opponent foams with anger? We will show you how to defuse the anger, protect yourself and ensure a strong finish.
- The "silence"
- You decide when to answer
- The longer you are silent, the more helpless the other becomes
- Example: Scene of a marriage
- They let the others fidget
- Example: marriage counter sample
- Sovereign silence and enjoy
- Caution, danger of escalation!
- Do not let yourself go
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silence and quick-wittedness, how does that fit together? Well, being quick-witted also means being able to keep your mouth shut at the right time. But haven't we always maintained that quick-wittedness breaks through speechlessness?
Do you make quick wits? And in some situations it was important to say something at all? Well, that remains valid. However, in some situations it may be better to remain silent. This is not pure speechlessness, but a sovereign silence.
You decide when to answer
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“Silence” is a reasonable response to an outburst of anger. "What you can't talk about has to be silent," says philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein. This also applies here: as long as the other is having fun, there is none at all Sinn to speak. What do you want to say reasonably? He'll turn his neck for any good reason right now, so hold back on your justification a little. Even if your counterpart asks you: "What do you say to that?", You do not necessarily have to answer.
They rather wait until the appropriate opportunity arises. It is always favorable when the first objectification becomes apparent. So if your opposite is to talk about what happened. Then you can reply if you want. You do not have to.
The longer you are silent, the more helpless the other becomes
It's a strange phenomenon, but if you really don't say anything, the other person stays alone in their anger and gradually calms down. It is important that you also use body language to be “silent”, i.e. to adopt an attitude that is as neutral as possible. When you're slumped in your chair and your Eyes put down, you can't expect to "silence" the other one down.
Example: Scene of a marriage
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The Trautmann couple has a violent marital dispute. She screams at him, showering him with accusations: "You are the most ruthless bastard!", "You only think of yourself!", "You took advantage of me!", "You lied to and cheated on me!", "Why do you me that? ”
Mr. Trautmann doesn't reply, just sits in his chair and calmly drinks a glass of beer. "How can you just sit there and drink your beer?" No reaction. "I don't mean anything to you?" Mr. Trautmann sees his Ms. and still doesn't say anything. "Now finally talk!", she yells at him. Not a word. "Why aren't you saying anything?" – “Are you ready?” he asks unimpressed.
They let the others fidget
It is with hands to grasp: The one who determines the situation is the one who is silent. As long as you do not give an answer, give no opinion, the other can do nothing. He is becoming more and more helpless.
Feel free to do a cross-check and imagine that the “silent” spoke in the last two examples. They didn't have to say much to take the full force of the outburst increase. Your reaction would only have fueled the fire.
Example: marriage counter sample
Her: “You are the most inconsiderate bastard!” – He: “I think you’re exaggerating now!” – Her: “Oh yeah, I’m exaggerating? I think I'm still understating!" – He: “But listen…” – She: “The way you behave! So ruthless, so selfish!" - He: "I admit it..." - She: "You betrayed me and took advantage of me!" – He: “But you are completely innocent, aren’t you?” – Her: “Oh, that must be the height! You betray me - and I should too Debt be there!”
Sovereign silence and enjoy
The metered "silence" can not only serve well in the case of outbursts of anger. In many situations in which you are expected to respond promptly, silence can unsettle the other party. For example:
- Someone makes you an offer. Their silence signals neither approval nor rejection. Your counterpart is unsure: Should he improve his offer?
- An employee reports on a project. Of course, he describes everything in the rosiest colors. You are suspicious and silent. By doing so, you are signaling: We are not finished yet, tell more. The employee admits that there were a few problems ...
- They take over the management of a group. They do not make any specifications, but simply wait for things to develop.
Caution, danger of escalation!
The "silence" can be extremely unnerving for the other. This one does Method on the one hand so incredibly strong, on the other hand there is also a considerable danger. If the other at one Streit has the impression that he can no longer get to you, then he will try to elicit a reaction from you after all.
If things go well, he finds that he is stuck "on the rage". It relates to the matter and no longer to you as a person, so that you can comment objectively as mentioned. Often, however, the other person knows no other way to help himself than to drive through the rage with full force to the bitter end. That means he will attack and challenge you more and more violently. Until you react somehow - even if he has to reckon with your “answer” becoming increasingly destructive.
You must prevent such an escalation at all costs. If you notice that your counterpart is becoming more and more abusive, then switch to the "interpreterTechnology” the “diplomatic tongue”.
Do not let yourself go
It is advisable to use the “silence” technique with a sense of proportion. Because if you basically keep silent for the time being, when the others expect an answer from you, you cause annoyance and you risk being simply overplayed.
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