To say clearly what you want, your own Opinions Being polite but unmistakable sounds easy, but many people fall for it People difficult. This often results in communicative misunderstandings and a lot Stress. 2 X 9 tips on how to do it better.

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Just say what you think?

I'm a friend of clear words. Because you simply save time and are goal-oriented. But I often have to observe that this does not work. Many prefer to avoid beating around the bush Anxiety, anyone might think badly of them. Personal insecurity is usually behind it - or the lack of a clear goal.

In fact, some people find it harder than you might think to say what you think! This is often because they are not clear about what they really want. And then it is easier to express yourself unclearly.

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Because clear words do not necessarily mean recklessness - on the contrary: whoever makes himself clear what he wants and who also communicates clearly, acts in my opinion, much more considerate than others.

It happens again and again and often unconsciously - in the Everyday life, at work, in personal relationships: we say A, actually mean B and then we get irritated that the person we are talking to doesn't even understand what we want and might end up doing C.

When communication becomes stressful

The result is often squabbles, Streit and power games that unnecessarily cost time. Sylvana Pollehn has described a very nice example of the restaurant manager Irene, who is her Employees shooing people around instead of giving clear work instructions. Another classic example: disturbance of the peace in the neighborhood.

The old lady gets upset about the volume of her young neighbor. But instead of just going and talking to her, sure Regulate for coexistence, she storms out, demands harshly: “Quiet please!”, believing herself to be right. The fronts hardened, the dispute escalated and in the end you find yourself in front of the judge. It would be better to say straight away what we actually mean, wouldn't it?

Clear communication makes you productive

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Make it clear Communication not only productive, but also prevents misunderstandings and thus saves time. But just when displeasure or Resistance is to be feared that many people tend to paraphrase wishes or work instructions rather than to speak plain language.

Typical plasticizer examples are: "I would like ..." instead of "Please do this ..." or "Could you do this as soon as possible" instead of "Please do it now". Motto: "He will somehow understand what I mean".

Everyone understands only what he wants

The communication partner usually does not. Because most people only understand what they want to understand if you give them the Choice leaves. Then they just don't care about the wishes of the other person or as soon as possible is next week and not right away.

You can also convince other people if you avoid such plasticizers - for example by using for your own Set Creates acceptance and brings common goals to the fore. But that's another topic.

Why do we use plasticisers?

For me, the exciting question of clear communication is first of all: why can not we make it clear to others in other words what we expect and want, in order to avoid the misunderstandings right from the start?

There are a number of reasons for this which, depending on the situation, more or less come to fruition and should be reflected accordingly. Also because many actually believe that they had expressed themselves clearly - and yet the interlocutor did not understand the statement. Not infrequently, such misunderstandings result in several of the following motifs:

9 reasons for plasticizers

What is behind the communication errors? Why can not many people communicate clearly and politely? 9 reasons at a glance.

  1. Uncertainty: Often there is a personal insecurity behind it - one simply does not dare to prevail or is afraid of an escalating conflict.
  2. The desire to be loved: Every human wants to be loved. Also bosses. However, it becomes problematic for them to expect love from their employees and to turn to it - for example, by avoiding clear decisions because they are afraid of making themselves unpopular. Roland Jäger has described this type of boss very aptly as the “cuddle boss”.
  3. To fulfill the expectation: Not infrequently, we also want to respond to the implicit or openly expressed expectations of our counterparts - especially if they are the boss or other important persons.
  4. Implicit expectations of others: Conversely, we often have implicit expectations of others - for example, that they can blindly follow our train of thought and already understand what we mean. But nobody can think-read.
  5. Society: Occasionally, especially in women, the social picture plays a role. Women should be nice, nice and friendly, that's the cliché. And to conform to this image and not to be considered as a bitch, many women try to rewrite their opinion rather than speak clearly and openly what they think.
  6. Beliefs: Many convictions have already been introduced to us as a child, as management consultant Claudia Hupprich shows. For example, a child who is often banned from speaking as a child will find it difficult to succeed even as an adult.
  7. Convenience: Sometimes it's just a matter of convenience - we just do not want a fight and think the problem will solve itself if we just start it kindly. A dangerous fallacy.
  8. Stress: The motive is very similar if we want to avoid further stress and conflicts during time constraints and therefore do not present our request too little. This can be bitterly avenged if the work order delegated has not been executed. Afterwards, the stress is usually greater.
  9. Tactical goals: Quite a few people try for tactical reasons to manipulate other people consciously or unconsciously. Again, there is often uncertainty behind it as a basic motive.

9 tips for clear communication with others

But how does that work with the clear communication that other people understand? A few Tipps:

  1. Attention: Many people who actually want to make their point of view clear, but are afraid to make themselves unpopular, use plasticizers such as "I mean" or "Shouldn't we ...". But they invite you to contradict. Better is a crystal clear “I want” or “I expect.”
  2. Increase acceptance: Of course, not everyone agrees with everything. Instead of printing from the beginning, you can simply postpone a reason after the statement: “Stick to the rest time. I have a very hard job and I need my sleep! ”
  3. Give all necessary information: In the same direction is also this tip. After all, people are much more likely to see when they know why something is expected. Therefore, even if it is time consuming at first: Give all the necessary information to a matter. This will also avoid annoying queries.
  4. Defining a common goal: Many people are more approachable when they know where the journey is going and when both interlocutors have a common goal. Example of work organization in a company: “There is a lot to do this month and we all have to work overtime. But the next month will be much quieter.”
  5. Straight to the destination:  Actually, you want to graciously agree with the others with a few positive news before you deliver the unsightly message to him? Does not work! The attention curve of most people often drops significantly in the course of a conversation - and many conversation partners are just impatient and irritated, also because they often realize that something is in the bush. Better get straight to the point, according to the motto: The most important first!
  6. The sound makes the music: Especially with unpleasant conversations, it is often important how to convey something. Those who are irritated often increase their negative impact. In case of stress you should move unpleasant conversations to the next day.
  7. Trap not from the role: Everyone has roles in society. You probably talk to the boss or customer differently than with the life partner. How clear and direct you can become with your counterpart also depends on how you relate to the other person.
  8. Know limits: But your communication partner also has a social role. You should know and take note of these. For example, by communicating on an equal footing, instead of simply saying, "I want to, so do it!"
  9. Do not reveal: If you need to have a clarifying conversation, this should usually be done in private, so as not to offend anyone in front of others. Unless the topic concerns the whole group, then everyone should discuss it together.


So if you want to communicate clearly, understandably and unambiguously and are often misunderstood, you should think about the reason: your own insecurity, convenience or similar motives. And then work to eliminate the communication errors as best as possible. Much Success there!

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