Communication is important, but often misused. What helps to find the right words: The right ones Strategy behind!

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The solution is obvious?

Many People hear and read many seminars and books on the subject of communication and rhetoric, But very few notice that many of these sources neglect the strategic aspects of communication. This skill gap is as unnecessary as it is easy to conclude: do not change your spoken words, but your strategic schemata.

For example, the Mother, who reprimands her six-year-old: “Your little sister is crying! Don't be so rude to her!" Ten minutes later she's crying again. Because the boy is "difficult to train"? No.

Which scheme do you use?

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The mother uses - quite unconsciously and unfortunately also without reflection - a self sabotagescheme, the so-called deficit scheme, which translates as: “I’m just addressing the grievance – to the Solution you have to come yourself, because it's obvious!"

It is not and never is. Even if it were: No six-year-old, no 16-year-old and no 36-year-old can do it on their own. This is why many parents, teachers, trainers or superiors complain: "I always have to say everything a hundred times!" Yes, if you communicate with the deficit scheme. Ergo: Get off the killer schemes!

Change your schemas!

The more effective scheme is the solution scheme: not only accuse the deficit, but explicitly talk about the solution! There are several schemes for this, for example the dirigistic one: “Don't just take the toy away from the little one. Give her another one and she'll be busy! ”

Since dirigisme often resistance triggers is interactive, activating Coaching-Behavior more elegant: “Okay, she's playing with your toys and you don't like that. How could you arrange this so that both of you satisfied are?"

Devaluation is the most common scheme

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Nice side effect: After half a year of use, your children will educate themselves (Employees, customers, relationship partners, superiors...) to a large extent myself. By the way, what is the most common scheme?

You guessed it: devaluation. "What the fuck! Make an effort!" More than half of everyday communication is explicitly or implicitly derogatory, know-it-all, directive, egocentric. Whoever replaces this cultural schema with appreciative schemas not only achieves more, but also has an effect sympathisch, for example: “I think you can do better. Try again!"

Scheme is culture

Thus does no man speak? That's almost true. In our culture, only a very few speak. Significantly, this is also the most successful and at the same time particularly sympathetic, the great communicators, the Dalai Lama.

Nobody can do it from scratch. Coaching experience shows that you can learn it in just a few weeks and then enjoy the fruits of strategic communication: faster, easier, more Success - and clear higher sympathy scores.

 Fill your toolbox!

“It was the spontaneous speeches that cost me the most preparation time,” Mark Twain once said. Means: What often happens to others accidentally, unintentionally or quick-witted is often carefully planned.

In the first step, this requires many communicative tools ("If you only know the hammer, everyone can see Problem like a nail out”) and in the second step the exercise and the security of being able to use the right tool and then being able to use it well. Anyone who has never seen a (communicative) chainsaw in the Hand will have a hard time with it, throwing (communicative) cotton balls also requires practice so that they can Objective to meet.

 My 5 recommendations:

  1. Collect. Load tool too!
  2. Practice dealing with it.
  3. Leave everything in the toolbox what they have gathered so far.
  4. Check the sorting. What's up in the front? Should you resort?
  5. Maintain your tool. If you do not use it for years, it will rust.

Viel Fun while collecting and practicing!

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