But how do you go about it sensibly after the first slight Feedback around? It helps - more than giving in to the contradiction impulse - often a very simple means: the question.
- questions and awareness
- Shift the communication pressure
- When feedback meets curiosity
- What does the feedback giver reveal?
- Working on the inner attitude
- The inner attitude
- Ensure freedom of movement
- Accepting positive feedback
- Fishing for compliments - indecent or important?
- What does the feedback mean exactly?
- The dogs don't sleep!
- Conclusion: allow resonance!
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questions and awareness
This is used as an instrument for self- and impulse control Ask even if you don't want to know anything!
When Odysseus had himself tied to the mast so as not to give in to the sirens' temptation, more precisely his own emotions to reveal to the ladies, he acted similarly. He tied himself to something to save himself - with open ears, by the way.
Shift the communication pressure
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The question as a means of communication also shifts the communication "pressure" to the other. He must now think, clarify, explain, clarify.
And while this happens, perceived as threatening feedback often loses its experienced attack character.
When feedback meets curiosity
And quite by the way, this often creates much more clarity than would have been the case with a first formulation of the feedback.
Even better, of course, if the feedback meets your curiosity.
- What makes him think so?
- What does she mean by that?
- What is he referring to?
- What was it that concerned her the most?
What does the feedback giver reveal?
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Thus, the feedback provider shares at least as much as about me. As a feedback recipient, I get the ratings, the standards, the sensitivities, the wishes of my feedback. And that makes the exchange interesting!
The useful acceptance of feedback is, therefore, the awareness of the internal processes that take place during the conflict, and there are a few means of communication, such as questions that are helpful. However, the inner attitude with which one encounters the feedback is decisive.
Working on the inner attitude
The inner attitude of the feedback recipient thus is to understand feedback processes simply as an exchange of prejudices. As the comparison of different perspectives, none of which will be true. Both of them show angles, and this is perfectly legitimate.
The internal attitude of the feedback recipient also includes not asking the feedback provider for the perfect formulation of the feedback. He expresses his request as he puts it.
The inner attitude
The attitude might be: Even if it does not fit me, even if the tone, the example does not like, but I am already interested in how the other comes to his judgment.
On the attitude in Resonance-Feedback involves realizing that the feedback giver has made an energetic effort; even if we don't like the type and content of the feedback: once it has been expressed, then "we can talk about it".
Ensure freedom of movement
Of course, this can only work if there is freedom of movement for those involved in communication. A premature, mutual interruption and fast “That was completely different…” fired from the hip or a projectile that you see wrong narrows and limits.
Thus resonance feedback is based on a simple but indispensable agreement: we are both in turn, one after the other. One speaks, the other hears. The other one who hears one speaks. And if one makes the right to express his view on things, then the same right must apply to the other as well.
Accepting positive feedback
Does this only apply to negative feedback? Not at all. Receiving feedback with positive content is at least as difficult. The receiver will do well to hear it.
And yet something sets in here that runs counter to the philosophy of resonance feedback. The shy touch of the recipient of the compliment takes hold. Reddening internally or externally, we save ourselves with a "Thank you, yes, clear, um, gladly!”
Fishing for compliments - indecent or important?
We were taught fishing for compliments, which is indecent. Resonance feedback, however, “demands” this fishing. Yes, we not only consider it decent, but even necessary and purposeful to openly accept feedback that does us good and to question it!
Because often arepositive” Feedback – because (unfortunately) unusual – is also associated with a certain embarrassment on the part of the feedback provider and therefore comes in the form of generalizing praise.
What does the feedback mean exactly?
“With our CRMProjects, you really got into it, I just wanted to tell you. Class!"
The communicative softeners blur the detail. What exactly is meant is hidden in the pink mist.
- What does hang in mean?
- Through work?
- The way of structuring the project or taking the affected colleagues with you?
- Through the clear flow of information?
- By knowing the details?
- By the way of presentation or documentation?
- Or does it even mean "exaggeratedly hung in"?
- Was “hanging in” enough?
- How does my feedback giver rate the success?
And and and. So can a very interesting Conversation arise and you will learn a lot about yourself.
The dogs don't sleep!
When accepting “positive” feedback, there is a second hurdle to overcome. It is important to realize that this form of demand will not awaken sleeping dogs. Why? It's simple: the dogs don't sleep!
Resonance feedback wants more positive Effect give a lot of weight. The feedback recipient not only accepts feedback that he or she perceives as positive, but also supports the feedback provider in specifying it.
Conclusion: allow resonance!
In order to deal with feedback in such a way that there is a benefit, it is therefore necessary to know something about insults and how to deal with them yourself. Understanding feedback as an exchange of different perspectives (and never the “truth”) simply requires not only understanding but also exercise.
It is important to face the feedback with an appropriate mildness as far as formulations are concerned. One must and should be able to talk about it, especially if one has learned to have the direct resistance to resistance under control.
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