False shame & modesty to prevent change: “What should the others think?”

An argument that keeps many from switching: “If it were up to me, I would have given up my job a long time ago. But how would that look in mine Curriculum vitae out? And how would my friends colleagues and the family react? They certainly wouldn't understand. And I'm not a person who only thinks about himself!"

What would the others think?

What do you think the people around you would say and think if you actually “switched”, quit your current job and are looking for a new one that will give you more fun and satisfaction? Would the majority encourage you and congratulate you on this decision? Or do you rather expect a negative, negative and discouraging response from your environment?

As social beings, we are more or less easily influenced by our environment. And as we go through a life phase of upheaval, others can thwart our pursuit of change in two ways: either the people around us are actually trying to divert us from our idea.

The conflict in the head

Or we are just convinced that they disapprove of our behavior - without it actually being true. In the second case we probably have a lot more problems standing by our wish because the Konflikt plays in our head.

After all, we can argue and grapple with real people, but this is much more difficult with supposed rejection in our imaginations. When we believe that it is impossible to realize a heart's desire because of other people, we are often not at all clearwho and what real arguments we actually mean by that.

"You can not do that?"

Especially if we have vague thoughts like “You can't do that” or “What should people say?”, It is advisable to take a closer look. Because then we may only be using another strategy of avoidance:

I can abuse "the others" very well to give me an alibi for my inaction! This strategy of avoidance works like this:

1. I suppose others would think badly of me when I care for my well-being. I regard this faith as an unchanging fact, which I do not question further.
2. The opinions of others I make about my desire. I am not taking the liberty of balancing my autonomy and the supposed influence of others and making my own decision.

I know what I want

If I am fully determined to implement a project, I will perhaps take into account the assessment of others - but most likely I will try to break through as much of my project as possible.

Possible conflicts then occur at most in the inter-human realm, not in me. I do not feel any inner resistance, so I do not need to use any avoidance strategies and can use all my strength for my project.

Do or leave?

But inside I'm split between "doing!" and "I'd rather leave it!", so part of me presses the inner accelerator and another part presses the brake, I'm in a quandary. And then an avoidance strategy can take effect, which is Psychology a “projection” is called:

Instead of exposing myself to my inner resistance, I project it like a slide projector to my fellow men. No more I then seem to doubt or fear of my plans, no, the others are anyway against it!

Egoist or dreamer?

In this way, I move my inner conflict out of my imagination. I often experience that people believe they are being judged selfish and irresponsible when they want to go new or unusual ways.

Or they fear that they will be called dreamers and crank and will be put to shame by others if they confess their ideas. There are often deep-seated negatives behind this  beliefsthat have a stronger effect the more generally they have been learned once.

Reflective beliefs

They can be seen in how reflexively and apparently automatically they are retrieved, without ever being examined for their truth content. If I project these beliefs to the people around me, I do not need to ask the others what they really are.

They then appear to me to be a matter of course, and there seems to be no reason to face up to real people. "I can't and I can't." Basta.

Most people think much more differentiated

In doing so, I may do wrong to these people because in reality they think very differently and much more differentiated. And most of all I do this wrong to me and my wishes, because I give them no chance.

Do you think friends, family, or colleagues will be more critical of your career change? If so: Is it possible that this is more about your own negative attitude than about the real people? How much projection is there for you?

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