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By Tom Diesbrock (More) • Last updated on October 09.08.2022, XNUMX • First published on 20.09.2012/XNUMX/XNUMX • So far 5417 readers, 2924 social media shares Likes & Reviews (5 / 5) • Read & write comments
An argument that keeps many from switching: “If it were up to me, I would have given up my job a long time ago. But how would that look in mine Curriculum vitae out of? And how would my friends, colleagues and the Family react? They certainly wouldn't understand. And I'm not a person who only thinks about himself!"
What do you think they would People say and think around you, if you actually "change jobs", quit your current job and look for a new one that gives you more fun and satisfaction? Would the majority encourage you and you to this decision congratulate? Or rather, expect one negative, dismissive and discouraging Resonance from your environment?
As social beings, we are more or less dependent on our environment light to influence. And when we're going through a transitional period in life, others can thwart our quest for change in two ways: Either the people around us are actually trying to dissuade us from our idea.
Or we're just convinced they would be ours Behavior disapprove - without this corresponding to reality. In the second case, we probably have a lot more Problems, to stand by our desire because of the Konflikt in our Head plays.
After all, we can argue and grapple with real people, but this is much more difficult with supposed rejection in our imaginations. When we believe that it is impossible to realize a heart's desire because of other people, we are often not at all clearwho and what real arguments we actually mean by that.
Especially when we have vague thoughts like “You can’t do that” or “What are people supposed to say?” It is advisable to take a closer look. Because we might just use one more Strategy of avoidance:
I can abuse "the others" very well to give me an alibi for my inaction! This strategy of avoidance works like this:
If I am fully determined to implement a project, I will perhaps take into account the assessment of others - but most likely I will try to break through as much of my project as possible.
Possible conflicts then take place at most in the interpersonal area, not in me. I don't feel any inside Resistance, and as a result I don't need to use any avoidance strategies and can put all my energy into my project.
But inside I'm split between "doing!" and "I'd rather leave it!", so part of me presses the inner accelerator and another part presses the brake, I'm in a quandary. And then an avoidance strategy can take effect, which is Psychology a “projection” is called:
Instead of dealing with my inner resistance, I project it onto my fellow human beings like with a slide projector. I no longer seem to have doubts about or Anxiety before my plans, no, the others are against it anyway!
In this way I externalize my inner conflict in my imagination. I often find that people feel they are being judged as selfish and irresponsible when they try something new or unusual ways want to go.
Or they fear being called dreamers and weirdos and being shamed by others for sticking to theirs ideas confess Behind this are often deep-seated negative beliefs, which are all the stronger act, the more generally they were once learned.
They can be seen in how reflexively and apparently automatically they are retrieved, without ever being examined for their truth content. If I project these beliefs to the people around me, I do not need to ask the others what they really are.
They then appear to me to be a matter of course, and there seems to be no reason to face up to real people. "I can't and I can't." Basta.
In doing so, I may do wrong to these people because in reality they think very differently and much more differentiated. And most of all I do this wrong to me and my wishes, because I give them no chance.
Believe that friends, family or colleagues of your professional change will be met more critically? If so, is it possible that this says more about your own negative attitude than it does about real people? How much projection might be involved with you?
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Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author. Tom Diesbrock himself has had a winding career: starting with a medical degree, working on a music project and as a photo editor, he studied psychology and founded a practice for psychotherapy. Today he works in Hamburg as a coach and psychological consultant. One focus of his work is accompanying people in their professional reorientation. His book “Your horse is dead? Get off! " has been translated into several languages, his new book “Jetzt mal Butter bei die Fisch!” will be published in October. More information at tomdiesbrock.de All texts by Tom Diesbrock.
Modesty is a very important topic!
This is the trap many fall into when they want to do something different - the fear that others will think they are selfish. A text that inspires. Overall, I'm pretty excited about your blog, by the way, and just had to get rid of it.
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