Dealing with the Inner Critic: Mental Blockades from Kindergarten

Many behavior patterns that we learned as children act even as adults. And then we suddenly act like little kids in the Office .

Help, a communication gradient

Ms. Beermann came to me because she found the working relationship with her long-term superior to be very problematic and stressful and wanted to find out for herself whether she was in the Company stay or rather quit.

When we started that Communication Analyzing between Mrs. Beermann and her superior, I noticed that there seemed to be quite a gap between the two.

Reacting like a toddler?

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Ms Beermann described the communication style of her superiors as arrogant and effeminate. At the same time, their reaction seemed to me to be like a child's.

And these childish responses - from my perception - were presented in two different versions.

Between defensive and anger

Depending on the context and the current form of the two women, Ms. Beermann took either the position of a defensive or the position of an aggressive child.

In the one part, she felt herself helpless, helpless, and totally overwhelmed, in the other she could hardly restrain the anger, and in an extreme case also become insulting and unsuitable.

When adults return to childhood

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Both strategies seemed to work for that Working world – to put it mildly – ​​rather unfavorable. Only when Mrs. Beermann became aware that the Problem perhaps not with her superiors, but with her own, less adult reactions, the way was clear for decisive changes.

Perhaps you also know situations in which grown-ups People behaviorally beam back to their own childhood within a very short time.

From child-I to adult-I

Just like with Ms. Beermann and her superiors. The two had established a sophisticated communication game between them. Whenever the manager said something to Ms. Beermann that she perceived as communication from the “parent I”, she completed the game by taking on the role of the “child I”.

Which of the two had started the game was of secondary importance, because when Ms. Beermann learned to communicate with her supervisor from an “adult ego” instead of from the “child ego”, the working relationship improved clear.

This is how beliefs come about: Beware of the hot stove!

In the beginning, children primarily learn from their parents and those around them Family. After that, the kindergarten, teachers and classmates at school, friends, people in the sports club... and... and... and. The initial influence of the parents' worldview is particularly important.

"Be careful, don't touch it, the hob is hot!" is to avoid giving the little child a painful experience. The sentence "When you cross the street, you must first look to the left, then to the right and then to the left again" helps, for sure to get across the street.

Parents decide in the first years of a child's life, what is right or wrong, what is good or bad. They dictate how things should and shouldn't be done. They determine what children must and must not do, what they can and cannot do.

When children take the presets

And the child picks up on this mental framework in order to Welt to find your way around the big one. The faster it is Regulate and the parents' specifications, the faster the parents can be convinced that the child can now act independently in the world, since it has adopted the parents' specifications.

Unfortunately, not all the rules, rules and hints of the parents support the children in their development, however well they may be meant.

Beliefs arise early

Beliefs can arise at any time in our lives. And the Basics these are usually laid very early. If a child in its childlike logic not only forms beliefs that support its development from what it has experienced and heard, the ideal basis for the emergence of a bustle is present.

Out of a mixture of limiting beliefs, limiting values, and unfavorable strategies, a sabotage program that can be very affectionate is disrupted in this way and evolves into adulthood.

I am not good enough?

What happens to the child if, when the teams are split up, they are always one of the last remaining? The probability is high that it will derive its own inner conviction from what has been experienced, which has to do with the selection process and its own interpretation.

Of course, one can only assume that. But this conviction could be, for example, that one is usually not good enough for the team captains in the course of the selection process. This may be uncomfortable, but it is probably fairly close to the facts. Unfortunately, however, we humans tend to derive an inner conviction from what we have experienced, which hides important details and generalizes something that is not true at all.

Generalization and hiding details

Sometimes this generalization and hiding of details doesn't happen immediately, but rather develops over the years. At the beginning there is the initial belief that physical education is not good enough for that Team be.

Over the years, it can consolidate the belief that you will never be good enough for others. A conviction that can be extremely hindering for both little and big people in life.

Through perception filter to the haybog

Whoever believes in himself to be never good enough for others has a perception filter that examines life for situations which seem to confirm this obstinate conviction.

In addition, a separate Strategy implemented with the aim of avoiding situations that could challenge this belief. This is how wusel like the dwarf maker, the dark seer, the howling buoy or the pressure maker are born.

Put questionable strategies in a suitcase?

Would it not be practical to put all limiting inner convictions, questionable values ​​and unfavorable childhood and youth strategies into a suitcase as you enter the adult world and stow it in the basement, if at all, in one of the farthest corners?

Unfortunately, this does not work, perhaps because we have the old beliefs, values ​​and strategies internally so hard wired.

Suddenly again child

Some people seem so attached to the inner impressions of their own childhood that little is needed to express them in relation to her Behavior catapult back into childhood.

All they need is a situation where the (actually childish) strategy fits like a key to the castle. And - hey presto - the door is open, the scrape comes to the fore - and they freak out.

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