Stop! Say “No” in good time: 7 tips to avoid conflict

Many conflicts also arise because people do not simply express what they want, but the suppressed aggression smoldering in them until they explode. Often it would help to stop in time. accept. 7 tips.

Work bee till late at night

A situation that may well be known to many: You are looking forward to your well-deserved end of the day, just want to pack up the things, then the manager stands in the door: “Could you maybe finish this calculation for tomorrow? It's really important!".

The colleagues are all gone, they have to go to theirs Family, find other good reasons or something similar. Only you can't think of a really good excuse in a hurry. So they stay and do the calculations with clenched teeth and simmering anger. Instead of closing time, i.e. working late into the night again.

Set limits - on time!

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The Executive is satisfied with his worker bee, but he has no idea what he has done, he probably still thinks they like doing it because they get down to work without any argument. He's not used to that from you. You've long been demotivated inside and only do work to rule.

Allerdings: Debt you are yourself too. Because you don't represent your rights and don't set limits in good time, preferring instead to work to the limits of your own capabilities - and at some point that's it Burnout the consequence.

The fear of the consequences

But why, despite such obvious disadvantages, many have People Problems showing others their limits with a clear “no”? The answer lies on the Hand: There are almost always consequences for denying other people a wish or request. The other might get mad. Or be hurt.

And especially in everyday working life, it can be particularly uncomfortable when you are in front of colleagues Head bumps. Not to mention the boss, where a “no”, says the Anxiety, fast can become a career killer. Quite a few people prefer to take the path of least resistance and do what is expected of them. In this way they avoid conflicts and even learn for their commitment recognition and praise, and the one who is relieved rejoices.

Whoever is right to do it all to oneself is wrong!

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But that can take bitter revenge: whoever tries to please others will soon no longer be able to do it, his real ones Tasks good to deal with. In addition, the others quickly get used to the fact that the yes man always does everything and rely on it. Over time, it becomes more and more difficult to say “no”.

But nobody manages to always do everything satisfactorily and that's exactly what it is Problem. According to a current study by the RespectResearchGroup at the University Hamburg, certain ideas about how competent and respectable people should be: namely trustworthy, reliable and fair, among other things.

Said study by Niels van Quaquebeke and Felix Brodbeck entitled “Development and initial validation of two instruments for the collection of Executives-Kategorization in German-speaking countries" was published in 2008 in the "Journal of Industrial and Organizational Psychology". It also shows that anyone who agrees to take on a task and then doesn't manage to do it due to lack of time often disappoints bosses and colleagues more than if they had turned it down straight away.

The sound makes the music

This is also confirmed by personal trainer Tanja Baum, author of the book “Die Art friendly 'No' to say”: “No one can fulfill all the wishes of the boss or colleagues, so that there is always sunshine and sunshine – especially not in everyday working life. But if you take others seriously, put yourself in their shoes and provide good arguments as to why they have to turn down a request, you will usually be understood.”

So it's almost always better to do it from the start clear To say "no". However: the sound makes the music. Other people always want to feel like they are being looked after. And especially those who refuse a request from their boss should remain friendly and give a good reason for the “no”. The trick is to say “no” in a friendly but firm manner.

Just say “no”: 7 tips

1. No Lazy Excuses: "I would like to do this for you, but actually I still have to ..." If you respond to a request like this, you are guaranteed to annoy the other person. Because he doesn't know whether you have time or not and at the same time realizes that you just want to talk yourself out. Better openly and honestly admit that you don't have time - this is exactly the consequence that others will understand and respect.
2. Well justified is already half won: Make it clear that you are not simply refusing a request arbitrarily, but that you have a good reason for your “no”. For example, show your boss how busy your schedule is, or use numbers to show what negative consequences your revision could have for the company. Do not fall into whining, but remain factual. If you show in this way that your "No" has been well considered, this also signals your boss to act responsibly. So you can score.
3. Do not let the barrel overflow: Anyone who says “yes” all the time runs the risk of reacting incorrectly at some point before being overwhelmed. Instead of saying "no" factually, you suddenly become aggressive. Bosses and colleagues who are used to it differently are mostly upset because they didn't expect it. It is therefore better to signal in good time “Up to here and no further” so that the other person knows immediately where your limits are. And even in the greatest stress, you should refrain from accusations such as: "You always with your exaggerated demands ..." - the other person probably does not even know that he overwhelmed you all the time.
4. Analyze exactly why you are overwhelmed: You feel overwhelmed by a request - but what bothers you exactly? Find out what makes you feel stressed and unable to stay calm. Maybe you're putting yourself under pressure or your time management is just bad. Maybe you find the suggestion of your boss or college completely absurd. In this case, clarify why this is required of you. Maybe you will find a better way together.
5. Find a compromise: The one wants the other, the other the. There you must find a solution together. In practice, this means taking others seriously and putting them into their own situation. Look for similarities, not for differences. Work out where you both agree, find improvement opportunities and focus on your reasoning. Your boss or colleague then has the feeling that you are going to him. But also show consistently where your limits lie.
6. Make suggestions for improvement: The boss wants you to do something for him. They don't have time, but they have an idea: “Unfortunately, I can't do this today. But colleague Schmitt is currently free. I can support him optimally in his project because I am very familiar with the topic. This way we all work much more effectively. ”Such suggestions make your work easier, but show the boss that you are constructively concerned about the well-being of the company. Important: Always choose an optimistic vocabulary when offering such alternatives.
7. Prepare difficult conversations: Especially when it is not just about the small favors in between, it is sometimes useful to have a clarifying discussion about your task distribution. That should be well prepared: Prepare a strategy, collect evidence and arguments for your overwork. If necessary, practice your reasoning at home so that it is no longer difficult for you to say “no”. And ensure a positive mood before the conversation. As soon as you are agitated or aggressive, there is a risk of overwhelming others with unfounded accusations.

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