Satire: Beware of false friends on social media

Whether you are at the top fast lonely and alone. Maybe social media can help?

The first location determination

Finally, too Companys from Hannes for personnel appraisal to the 360-degreeFeedback sworn in. Hannes is relieved. The pressure to only be judged “from above” and by numbers is easing. the social Behavior to subordinates, colleagues and customers gets more weight. He is convinced that he will score points there thanks to his empathetic nature. He says.

But already at the first comparison he has to be in the back. A personal, unofficial pre-market analysis by Hannes shows that he still has potential. In order to scan his values ​​in the 360 grade rating, he secretly counted how many eMail- Printouts from his management colleagues on the white board under the heading “positive Feedback from customers and employees”. Of the five colleagues at the same management level, he ranks 5th.

Social media?

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He approaches this result strategically and discusses it with his Coach. The quick analysis shows: Hannes has too few colleagues and / or friends. Not that he missed them. As a sociable person, he is never bored in his free time.

But a gaping gap opens when the coach asks him about “social media”. “How many friends do you have on facebook? ”,“ How many second-degree contacts have you listed on XING? ” “How many followers do you have on twitter” and “how do you like the album on Google+”? Hannes doesn't understand anything.

The first development

He needs one Further education on the subject of social media. In the company forum in the nearby town there is a Lecture for this instead. Hannes listens and takes notes. As a dutiful manager, Hannes then storms into the Office and opens accounts on Xing, twitter and facebook. But even as an experienced PC-savvy person, his vigor gets a kink. The digital worm already seems to be stuck in the installation.

And it gets worse: Manage your profile, edit information, use relationship status and 'about you', set access rights in categories, make political and religious views visible only to close friends, complete former places of residence and activity profile ... After four hours, everything is solid and correct deposited. Hannes hopes.

The first steps in Facebook

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The next morning in the office, he redesigns his “start-to-work ritual”. First he opens all platforms and looks at what has happened in the night. It is exciting what he discovers. "Oh - colleague Hubert is also on XING". He was 'on the lookout' for three months last year and is now 'Chief Distribution of the Division outgoings'.

Just like before, he did the mail back then too. "I'll click that one" says Hannes and is happy to see a new one Contact to have. on faxebook he learns who the guy is who is constantly with his neighbor, meanwhile also a Facebook-Girlfriend, seated. “Thank you for the beautiful night” the guy writes in pinboard entry 1. Pinboard entry 2: “Yes honey, it was great”, she describes the nightly activity. An advantage that all friends know immediately ...

The first episodes

Hannes recognizes the benefit. As once again the Preparation for a Meeting is tough because the ideas missing, he can communicate that. It's easier to suffer together. On the wall of Facebook he tells his meanwhile 237 friends: “Sch… -Meeting. I'm not getting any further. They always want to have everything exactly here, only to talk it down. You can't think of anything. Boring!".

Make it interactive to click "Comment" or "Like". Shortly afterwards he sees the result: 16 of his 237 friends think it's good that he can't think of anything. His boss's comment: "I'll think of something that you'll never be bored again!" Oops! Now Hannes has one Problem. The Executive is one of his 237 friends. Just before he got the Facebookjoins the group “Can-someone-tell-me-why-all-bosses-are-stupid” a thought flashes through him: what, if mine too Employees are in this group?

The first new software

Hannes understands that social media must be understood. Who sees what he writes and why does he receive all the Twitter info he writes himself, but never anyone else? The IT must come. She is to develop a small application that can be used to manage entries in all social media.

Only one tool for all platforms! SOMEKO (Social Media Coordination) software. Friends should not only have but also manage them. The Weltbild of Hannes gradually gets back into order. He celebrates this for himself personally in the operating room with a cup of coffee. Until he realizes that an employee makes an 40-second movie and has already put him on youtube when he is back in the office. Nobody is perfect ....

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