emotions help us to be happy, but they can also make life hell for us. How can we control them and thus experience more happiness and joy.
- The motives behind the plot
- Help, a choleric?
- Why does someone react quickly?
- An example from management
- Understanding of one's own feelings = understanding of others
- The realization: He does not mean me
- To forgive means to let go
- Forgive in everyday life
- Make room for other things
- The big challenge: forgive oneself
- Way with expectation
- Move the layers
- Forgiveness will not be idle
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The motives behind the plot
The main question in this context is: Do we know the motives from which someone is acting? When we see the words that come to us alone, we often come to very wrong conclusions and thus reactions.
Things are different when we have an understanding of the whole and are able to consider what motivates the other. We see his choice of words, the tone of voice and the emotional expression of his Rede now in a new light, on a larger scale.
Help, a choleric?
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What this is about is going to be special clear in situations where someone reacts violently to a small, irrelevant remark.
Especially if the emotional life is already in turmoil, the famous last drop is enough to make the barrel overflow. As the Volksmund so aptly said, someone has intentionally or unintentionally hit a so-called sore spot.
Why does someone react quickly?
What's behind it? Why is someone reacting? There are several reasons for this:
- Perhaps he is a loud, choleric person.
- He may also have stress, such as success or the like, in his professional environment.
- Perhaps in his entire life he felt at the moment in a difficult disorganized phase.
An example from management
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All of this could have caused someone to act like that. I would like to do that on one Coaching-Example of a manager clarify:
In terms of these reactions, we caught up with this client Ask relatively fast reasoning that his violent reaction must be related to something within him that was activated by the employee's actions and triggered violent emotional responses.
Understanding of one's own feelings = understanding of others
The one inside him, said the manager, is the old one Anxiety and before Streit and conflicts of a three year old. And now comes the surprising: Now that he understood his own reaction, he was no longer trapped in it.
The realization: He does not mean me
My client had found a new position by understanding himself and the other's way of acting and was now able to deal with this employee relatively relaxed.
To forgive is generally perceived as an even more difficult task than the application of understanding. The following applies: Only if we forgive, we can get rid of a person or a situation.
To forgive means to let go
Conversely, if we do not forgive, we stay in touch. And that inhibits us in our feelings, thoughts and actions.
Does this sound categorical and perhaps incomprehensible at first? Let me explain.
Forgive in everyday life
Let us look at the situation in our everyday life: Do you also know that you are very annoying about driving errors of others and loudly cursing. Can you forgive the person?
If I manage to forgive, I drive on much more relaxed afterwards and the event is quickly out of my mind Head or my emotional life has disappeared.
Make room for other things
And I can turn back to other and more important things. Otherwise I might come to work and rant about this brazen car driver.
I would then infect those around me with my negative thoughts and not be free myself for the challenges ahead. Who does not know, Hand on your heart, similar situations with yourself?
The big challenge: forgive oneself
A real challenge, however, is to forgive oneself. Let us consider some aspects of the example of one of my clients named Constantine.
He has made a difference in his job and therefore expects, for example, an appreciation of his surroundings. Instead, he will be out of the Corporate away. What could Constantine forgive himself for? The others were the ones ...
Way with expectation
Constantine could forgive himself that he had created a certain part of the ultimate confrontation, or had committed himself to it.
It is possible that this proportion was not very large, namely, for example, the expectation that his achievements would be appreciated. Possibly this pressure of expectation made him unfree to conduct his affairs appropriately and the interests of the larger ones Structure, in which he worked, to be given due consideration.
Move the layers
The act of forgiveness itself, therefore, would be that Constantine is standing (understanding for himself), to have acted out of such an expectation. He could forgive himself.
Another aspect could be a shift of the argument from the material level to a level of right-to-be willingness. This too Constantine could forgive himself. It would thereby loosen the permanent inner connection to the many years past situation considerably, perhaps even can.
Forgiveness will not be idle
You might argue that the forgiveness makes us idle, makes us into the game of the others. But this is not meant in body. It's about something different. It's about reacting to situations that respond appropriately but are not driven by your anger or your hatred.
You are able to look at the situation from the position of the eagle soaring above and keep an eye on all the essential factors. In order to then react appropriately in a way that clarifies the situation, possibly solves it, and above all does not allow it to escalate any further (unless you want it that way). Positive developments in the Future are most possible in this way.
Forgiveness is one of the essentials stepsto detach from people and/or situations.
In doing so, you forgive both the other person or group and yourself. The latter is the greater challenge, ours sovereignty demands - and promotes.
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