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By Simone Janson (More) • Last updated on October 03.02.2024, XNUMX • First published on 3.08.2020/XNUMX/XNUMX • So far 6744 readers, 2705 social media shares Likes & Reviews (5 / 5) • Read & write comments
Can you assert yourself and still nice stick with it? And what actually makes real sovereignty out? A topic that also concerns our female readership - but not only. 2 X 3 tips.
Some time ago I went to Best of HR - Berufebilder.de® called for this, sometimes the personal Communication to think about and question. Think Opinions was: Because we often don't clear say enough what we mean, misunderstandings, conflicts arise - and so do we verlieren precious time. Debt what is wrong with the misery are false beliefs, social expectations and “softeners” that we often unconsciously build in when we speak. Our reader Elena contradicted this in a comment. She writes:
“I say that I often communicate very clearly. Firstly because that really helps more, maybe also because of my character. Result: I am perceived as bossy, arrogant and undiplomatic. Perhaps it bothers a counterpart (male and female) too much when a Ms. instead of 'decorating' her sentences with sweet smiles, nice phrases and a look in her eyes."
A topic that I've been thinking about myself since a friend told me that you have to be nice but determined. Stay nice and polite, but still prevail - can such a squaring of the circle succeed at all?
At first I am tempted to reject it like Elena. If you want something from someone else who does not want it, this inevitably creates the negative feelings described by Elena. Or not?
The magic word is sovereignty. The management consultant Dr. Cornelia Topf has recently taken up the question what real sovereignty really is and how to look confident even when you don't feel that way. I have summarized your statements here again in brief:
The fact that other people don't see you as assertive and confident, but as bossy and arrogant, is only ours Appear and due to the inner attitude. I didn't want to believe that at first. But as I thought about it more, I realized that many of the situations I encountered with my Behavior was offended can be attributed to a lack of sovereignty.
So I either did not feel taken seriously, insecure, or I was fully convinced that due to negative experiences I was entitled to a certain behavior - another form of insecurity.
It can already be simply communicative Tricks completely change the behavior of the other person. There are also 3 important ones Regulate to note:
It is indeed necessary to rethink the inner attitude, even if that is difficult. However, I have to admit: Not always and in every situation you get ahead with serenity and being nice. Often enough, it's simply about power.
Or you have to deal with people who lose their hops and malt because they simply don't like polite manners weakness hold. That's where you feel fast like in the famous story about the goats on the bridge, who both fell into the water at the end.
Something like this happens when the positions are so different that no agreement can be reached even with the greatest negotiating skills. Then there is nothing else to do but throw the shotgun into the grain. Because in fact often simply gives way: the smarter one!
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Simone Janson is publisher, Consultant and one of the 10 most important German bloggers Blogger Relevance Index. She is also head of the Institute's job pictures Yourweb, with which she donates money for sustainable projects. According to ZEIT owns her trademarked blog Best of HR – Berufebilder.de® to the most important blogs for careers, professions and the world of work. More about her im Career. All texts by Simone Janson.
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