How do you manage to give the emitter the perfect - and sincere - impression in conversations and conflicts that you actually understood him completely?


Emotions point to values

For example, if you experience that your eldest son is in the hair with his younger sister because she constantly comes into his room and bothers him, it is easy to say something like: "I can understand well that you're angry. You just want to be left alone. ”

And if the little one comes to you relatively unsettled for a while because he told her that he would not take her to the playground in the afternoon, you can acknowledge her emotion by saying: “You are worried because you are spending the afternoon don't want to spend alone in the apartment. ”

Respect other people's values

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In this second situation, you'll also notice that it's not strictly necessary to explicitly declare the value as your own Term to call. It is completely sufficient, the subconscious in the Head of the other to understand by paraphrasing what it is about.

Therefore, you should consider yourself as a to-do when dealing with the emotions other people definitely remember: pay attention to the values ​​of your fellow human beings.

3 Steps in dealing with emotions of your fellow human beings

  1. Step one was to give the emotion space and to perceive it at all.
  2. Step two consisted in the direct response of the emotion.
  3. Really elegant and almost final, you convey to your opponent that you have understood him and that you understand what he is talking about when you address the level of his emotions. This is the value level.

Why are values ​​important?

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If you manage to address the values ​​behind your emotions, your subconscious mind is, so to speak, the last proof that you have actually and finally understood what it is all about.

Then he turns off the part of the emotion sent as a signal. Then - and only then - does it become factual.

How do you figure out the values?

Now, for several reasons, the question is not at all trivial about how you can find out what is important to you.

The question is not trivial, because in more than 90 percent of all cases your counterpart has no awareness of his value system, i.e. only of an extremely nebulous “Background” or at best has an idea of ​​what is actually important to him. In most cases, asking questions doesn't help.

Just as seldom will your counterpart respond to the Idea come to give you a helping hand by explaining their emotions through their value system. In general, it does not have the knowledge about the connection between values ​​and emotions.

Why are you so upset?

Of course, you could transfer the value work you have already done to him Hand Press and ask him to fill it in for the current context, i.e. for the situation you are both in right now.

Although this is fundamentally conceivable, it should not be practical. You can also give him a book on the subject. Then you will have to wait a few days before saying "Now I can give you a tip why I got so excited!" comes to you and you can then understand that.

Find information about the value system

So we have to look at others ways consider how to find out someone else's value system.

It is helpful that you now know the connection between values ​​and emotions and thus when you see an emotional one People get ideas much quicker as to why he's so emotional right now.

Especially if you have noticed how the emotion came about, it is relatively easy to establish the direct connection between the value system and the emotion and back againspiegeln.

The search for the exact term

Although I myself like to go to the search for the exact term, because I believe that then the realization has been understood, in comparison to a bit more, but it also works very well with circumscriptions.

In order to convey the second approach, with which we can find out the values ​​of others, I have to go back a little bit: We all enjoyed German lessons at school and there performed various characterizations of individual figures of classic poetry and poetry (“Characterize the Wallenstein / den Faust / den Franz Moor /… ”).

What was Wallenstein's value system?

Nevertheless, one of the central ones is linguistically comprehensible and analyzable Ask about dealing with other people apparently passed us by without a trace. At least I can't remember ever dealing with it in German class. This question is: “What is important to my counterpart at the moment?” or “What does he or she value?”

Do you feel that the question "What is important to the Wallenstein?" is much more exciting and opens up a much more emotional approach than the work instruction "Characterize the Wallenstein and its contradictory attitude on the battlefield with a view to fulfilling its dramaturgical role"?

Language transports values

When we clear that an essential purpose of language is to transport our value system, our values, then this also means that if we listen "correctly" we can find out what values ​​the other person's words refer to.

To do this, we have to use an analytical question that at first glance seems banal and unusual for most people, but at second glance opens up a whole new universe of linguistic understanding. This crucial question, which I would particularly like to recommend to you, is: "What is important to someone who said the words I just heard?"

Watch closely

Watch yourself and others carefully in the near future when speaking. You will - with the others you will notice it beforehand! - With a little luck, catch yourself how often this cursed little "but" slips out of you.

If you noticed this the first time, it's not that difficult to replace it with an "and" or a period followed by a new sentence next time. It's not easy to pay attention to at first and you'll see that once you get used to it, it feels really good. The Effect it's small and fine anyway!

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