Always saying “yes” when friends, co-workers or bosses ask for something is the easiest way – but one that takes its toll over time. A friendly”No” helps with one or the other request - and that means everyone involved.

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The fear of the clear “no”

Many People avoid a clear “no” like the devil avoids holy water. The reason: there are almost always consequences for refusing other people's wishes or requests. The other might get mad. Or be hurt. And especially in everyday working life, it can be particularly uncomfortable when colleagues or even bosses are in front of you Head bumps. So what to do when the next-door neighbor asks, "Sir... could you please do me this little favor?" or the boss orders: “Ms.... could you do this and that for me?"

Logically, if you just do what the other wants, you don't have any at first Problems: You avoid conflicts, the relieved person is happy, and you even get a reward for your efforts recognition and praise. The only problem is: Not saying “no” has too negative Consequences, because you can't just "not behave". Yes-men, however, are usually not even aware of this.

Whoever does it all, forgets his own goals

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The main problem: Whoever tries to please others soon loses his own Set from the Eyes. If you relieve colleague X of this task and colleague Y that task, you will soon no longer have time to do your own Tasks to do. They become unproductive, pressed for time and Stress, maybe even aggressive.

Worse still, you run the risk of being taken advantage of. The others don't even mean it badly: they just get used to saying "yes" all the time, start relying on the fact that you will do it. It becomes all the more problematic if you don't manage the promised task - then verlieren fast of prestige and respect.

Acquire respect and competence

This is also scientifically proven: A study by the RespectResearchGroup (RSG) at the University Hamburg shows: people simply have certain ideas about how competent and respectable people should be:

Namely, among other things, trustworthy, reliable and fair. If you make promises you can't keep, you're jeopardizing your good reputation. Therefore, you should not take a soft course towards colleagues and bosses. A clear “no” that is understandable for the other person can increase your recognition even more. But always do it clear, that you do not just arbitrarily turn down a request, but that you have good reasons for your “no” and therefore act responsibly.

Honest and friendly cancel

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In practice, this means taking the other person seriously, putting yourself in their situation and explaining why you have to turn down a request. Better give right away Honestly admit that you can't help and don't make excuses - the other person will understand and respect exactly this consequence. But: Other people always want to have the feeling that you are making an effort to look after them. So the sound makes the music – the Art is simply a friendly "No!" accept. This is especially true when dealing with bosses.

For example, if you are overwhelmed by the demands of your manager feel, he will not be very enthusiastic if you despair ("I just can't do all the work anymore") or complain aggressively ("You always have your claims"). You may have vented for a moment, but you have achieved little. On the contrary, if you're unlucky, you'll soon even be on the hit list.

Kindly say “No”: 6 tips

The following procedure is much better, because then - with a little luck - both sides are satisfied:

  1. Analyze the situation closely: what exactly bothers you, what is too much for you, what do you feel overwhelmed with? Why do not you manage to stay calm?
  2. Get ready for a strategy. Collect eg documents and arguments for your overload. For example, record minutely how busy your schedule is or pin down the negative consequences your revision could have on the company.
  3. Look for similarities with the boss's point of view, not differences. Work out the aspects on which you agree with your boss, find opportunities for improvement and focus your argument on them.
  4. If necessary, practice your reasoning at home so that it is no longer difficult for you to reject your boss's suggestion.
  5. Before you talk to your boss: Make sure you have a positive mood. As soon as you are agitated or aggressive inside, there is a risk of overburdening the boss with unobjectionable charges.
  6. Be constructive in your conversation with the boss: show what you can do on your own, make suggestions for improvement, and use your statistics to show why this is necessary. Choose a positive vocabulary, eg optimization or effective planning.

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