Those who can do something and those who have the confidence to do something make their way. In order to be successful in what you do - no matter what it is - you have to be convinced of yourself. That makes us strong. People with an ego are not egoists, they are sovereign. Our belief in ourselves resides in the ego. In order to achieve something and to act confidently, we need it.

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Ego - a negative term?

But many people shy away from boosting their ego Term for her though negative and is today inevitably associated with “egoist”, “egomaniac” or “egocentric”. It is important not to make yourself smaller than you are. Not only in the professional, but also in the private sphere.

A basic one Problem in social coexistence is that we tend to compare ourselves to other people. This is not a completely new insight: Immanuel Kant rightly assumed that we constantly observe and interpret an evaluative environment and, based on this, ours self-confidence develop. Means: We inevitably take others as a benchmark because we want to please. We tend to try to be like others - or like others supposedly want to see us. Which in individual cases can lead to us becoming driven.

Develop our own profile

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But that's not the only problem that arises from it. More serious is the fact that this willingness to please prevents us from developing our own profile. But that is exactly what matters: Not for nothing is in the Psychology can Rede from "Education” and “Self-education”. One thing is taken over by others, the other we have to do ourselves in order to mature and to develop according to the abilities that are given to us.

This is exactly where our ego comes into play: It is an “inner impeller”, which constantly oscillates between opposites: calm and SALE, closeness and distance, serving and ruling, leading and following, sympathy and aversion. It forms the working level on which what we commonly call “Personality” or also called “inner strength”. We need this strength to assert ourselves in conflicts with other people successfully be.

Education and self-employment

Upbringing and self-education often collide. Because the collective acts as a regulator that is ready to put the individual in his place. People have a keen sense of when one of them is about to, or at least capable of, achieving excellence. They react to this, mostly unconsciously, by trimming the high-flyer. And the Effect does not stay away. Or did you want to be considered a “nerd” at school in the past?

We can conclude that the influence of others and their expectations on our behavior is almost ubiquitous. And also that we are by no means indifferent. In this context, the French philosopher Paul-Michel Foucault even speaks of “forced individuality” and analyzes in a razor-sharp manner how others generate power through social networks and exercise power over the individual. A number of sociological studies show that in the absence of social Control To pursue self-related concerns more sustainably than if someone looks at him and smacks his fingers.

Let us free ourselves from social demands!

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"We should not try to discover who we are, but what we refuse to be," says Foucault. The man is right! So let's get rid of any social demands ... If only it were that easy. Here theory and practice collide without question. Who is really independent? We need others to some extent. Because in Team let's move on. In Daniel Defoe's classic "Robinson Crusoe," the happiest day of a shipwrecked man's life on a desert island comes when he Society got: a Carib who he can free from the captivity of man-eating islanders and henceforth calls it “Friday”.

With few exceptions, we find being isolated, having no one else of our kind, oppressive. Why? – Because the lonely in the Eyes society has failed. A life without intensive relationships has always not corresponded to the social norm. That's why we instinctively behave "socially" - that is, in such a way that others find us good. In addition to this basic need, some people even develop a real addiction to social life recognition. According to a thesis put forward by CIA psychiatrist Marc Sagemann, who has analyzed several hundred terrorist biographies, this addiction can even stimulate extreme action.

Altruism as an ideal?

It doesn't have to go that far. Nevertheless, one thing is certain: altruism or unselfishness have long been systematically declared to be the ideal of social morality. That's why people also do in Everyday life Things that – seen in this way – are of no use to them, which – from a purely economic point of view – are selfless: they give tips or donate Money, they do charitable work, even though they know that those who benefit from it will hardly ever reciprocate. Their profit lies elsewhere, namely in their rising prestige.

Selflessness is therefore definitely perceived as worthwhile. In the context of a perceived growing collective threat from phenomena such as terrorism, values ​​such as solidarity, Trust and reliability for people is increasing enormously Significance won. So far, so beautiful...

This is exactly why we keep falling into the ego trap. Where it is considered improper to pursue one's own motives, the accusation of being an egoist becomes an effective instrument of power. It's better to look at things realistically: we will never succeed that we each nice finds. That's why ours can't either Objective being nice to everyone and staying trapped in that mental cage. Or, to paraphrase Franz Josef Strauss: "Everybody`s Darling is everybody`s idiot!"

Being successful means being authentic

We therefore need our own vision of life! This independence pays off. Because the Anxiety overcoming being rejected by others for who we are is a great liberation for people. No wonder: only as long as we fear the judgment of others do we give them power over us. Feeling valuable and not sweeping one's own claims under the table, but showing them to the outside world, is also one of the basic conditions for any success.

Being the way you are and also giving yourself that way means, above all, standing up for your own needs or demands. They are a part of us and the prerequisite for realizing our potential. That convinces other people. Being authentic is therefore better received than you think. And is the prerequisite for achieving the best. Ultimately, it's quite simple: being successful just means authentic to be. Therein lies the real thing Art in life.

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