- How self-image develops
- The path to greater self-image leads backwards
- How imprints from childhood spoil success
- Attention tunnel vision
- The Inner Observer - 3 exercises: Learning to understand yourself better
- How self-change succeeds
- On the trail of the inner driver
- Recognize formative rules of conduct and change patterns
- Top books on the subject
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- Advice on success, goal achievement or marketing
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How self-image develops
they have themselves for sure I've often wondered how you can love yourself, or at least accept yourself, when it's difficult enough to understand why you are the way you are.
- Why am I such a workhorse?
- Why do I so rarely treat myself to something?
- Why do I get anxious when I have to give a speech?
- Why do I keep getting involved with people who are not good for me?
- Why can I never make a decision?
- Why do I avoid any conflict and prefer to be disadvantaged?
- Why is it so difficult for me to allow closeness in my partnership?
Complete the list above with the Ask, which you are currently receiving in relation to your personal life situation and the things you would like to change through the Head go. Take your time finding the right questions and be Honestly in your answers.
The path to greater self-image leads backwards
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When you were formulating your questions, you probably noticed that feelings, thoughts, desires and disappointments also came up in you. We know this difficult to unravel ball from current stress phases. We then often say: "I no longer know where my head is" or "I no longer understand myself". But the real origin for this lack of self-image can usually be found in childhood. The traces we still follow today were laid here.
Harry, 35, tax attorney, is to become a partner in a well-known law firm. But his notorious unpunctuality makes the other partners hesitate. Harry therefore decides to break his bad habit Discipline and willpower to train away. But in the course of his efforts, he realizes that he is dealing with a deep-seated imprint from his childhood. Because its ambitious Mother saw it as her task to bring the life of her only son into the Hand the boy knew only one way to break this caring siege. He got used to forgetting things, too verlieren, postpone or be late.
How imprints from childhood spoil success
Harry realizes with dismay that these old mechanisms affect him even more today than he would like. Once a clever protection from mother's encroachments, act she today childish and out of place. Neither that Executive nor do his clients want to control Harry's life. With the growing self-image for this connection, he finally succeeds in making his professional role more professional. Do you remember Harry's reactions of your own? Do you also have childhood conflicts that affect the way you see yourself today? The following questions can provide you with answers to these questions:
- Which behaviors keep popping up and bothering you?
- Which behaviors or reactions would you like to change?
- Which moments, conflicts or rules from your childhood do these behaviors remind you of
- Worth imitating: It contributes to a better self-image if we learn not to resort to childlike means from the past to assert our interests. The technique of the inner observer serves well in this process.
Attention tunnel vision
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In times of stress, our perspective is usually quite narrow. We see each other no more than Personality with many facets and possibilities, but we automatically identify with the strongest feeling that rises in us. It can be powerlessness, anger, Anxiety, grief or rejection.
The idea of having an inner observer available provides the necessary self-distance here. Make yourself with his help clear: There is a part of me that is currently bursting with anger or powerlessness, but I am always more than just my anger. I'm also a full person ideas and lovable features. At the moment, this negative feeling is having a stronger say. But it is only a momentary state and nothing more.
The Inner Observer - 3 exercises: Learning to understand yourself better
In the following I would like to introduce the inner observer to you and show you how it can help you to calmly deal with difficult emotional situations. There are two very good exercises for this.
1. Exercise to become an inner observer
Practice those Technology of the inner observer to deal with stress reactions with more sovereignty and encounter serenity. Jot down three events that you've been into Stress have transferred. Describe your typical reactions. But only see them as a part of who you are.
- Part of me was angry / angry / scared because ... (for example, angry because the neighbor said something rude to me). How did I react to that?
- Part of me has been sad / frustrated / angry because ... How did I react to that?
- Part of me was pissed off because ... How did I react to that?
You can use this "observation trick" whenever you find yourself in a difficult situation. This is how you distance yourself from the stress reaction and don't sink completely into negative ones emotions.
2nd exercise - with me alone
Undress for ten minutes Everyday life back and set up your awareness on the breath. Without him manipulate you are the observer of the breathing process. By concentrating on breathing, you get distance from your current one Problem. If you are familiar with this exercise to be able to make friends with the observation of the breath and positive If you see any effects for yourself, extend the time to 20 to 30 minutes.
Sie werden fast realize that it is not possible to simply switch off thoughts, memories, worries. They pop up again and again. This is a normal process that is part of every silence exercise and is not bad. Respond to this in three steps:
- Notice the thoughts that come up.
- Let the mind wander like birds in the sky.
- Keep watching your breath and relax.
3. Put your thoughts in writing
After completing the exercise, take the time to write down your observations.
- What feelings have emerged?
- Which feelings have expanded and taken up space?
- What thoughts, voices and memories have crossed your mind?
- What thoughts kept coming back?
- How did you feel at the end of the exercise compared to the beginning?
This exercise goes a long way towards helping us understand ourselves better and better. In this quiet exercise we experience everything that moves us like in a magnifying glass. What we push away or do not even notice in everyday life now becomes clearer in our consciousness.
We also discover hidden feelings and longings that go back to our childhood and ours today Behavior influence. Through practice we give up identification with our disaster movies or negative childhood memories, look out of the Distance things different.
How self-change succeeds
The enemy sits in my head - the old ones impeller are still active. Everyone knows that: What is not on our mind when we think we have failed? Would you blame your partner for turning to you for comfort and help? Hardly likely. The only thing we don't leave good hair on is ourselves. We treat nobody as badly as we treat ourselves.
When someone hurts us, we often think: I now deserve it. These are bad prerequisites for change. One reason for our harsh self-criticism lies in childhood. Even thoughtless sentences like: "Don't do that", "You can't do that!", "Take an example from your sister" are enough to make a child's heart feel insecure. Over time, the critical voices of our parents become second nature to us. You become part of our identity.
On the trail of the inner driver
Background Do you know why you behave the way you do in certain situations? Even as adults, we follow parental instructions in the form of unconscious self-instructions. Here are some examples:
- We make an effort even when our eyes close with tiredness.
- We'd rather bite our tongues than ask for assistance.
- We avoid situations in which we have to show our colors, such as conflicts or public appearances.
- We don't manage to say no or express wishes.
- We prefer to give 150 percent so that everything is perfect.
Recognize formative rules of conduct and change patterns
In childhood we were not only judged critically, we were also offered rules of conduct. Your attention secured us the benevolence and the recognition The parents. Stress research has identified five of these concise behavioral rules and calls them inner drivers:
- Be perfect!
- Be popular and please everyone!
- Be strong!
- Be quick!
- Give your best!
Maybe you can think of more, your personal drivers, ones that you encountered again and again in your childhood. Write them down. It is important that you Pattern recognizes.
Because to this day, these drivers influence our thoughts, feelings and behavior. The more we put ourselves under pressure feel, the stronger we set them Solution our problems. Unfortunately, often without the desired positive result. As much as we try to do justice to the drivers, it's never enough. And that increases the risk of coming very close to burnout processes.
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