Can you assert yourself and still nice stick with it? And what actually makes real sovereignty out? A topic that also concerns our female readership - but not only. 2 X 3 tips.

Assert yourself & stay nice at the same time: Sovereignty as squaring the circle?
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Clear, unambiguous communication: What are the advantages?

Some time ago I went to Best of HR - Berufebilder.de® called for this, sometimes the personal Communication to think about and question. Think Opinions was: Because we often don't clear say enough what we mean, misunderstandings, conflicts arise - and so do we verlieren precious time. Debt what is wrong with the misery are false beliefs, social expectations and “softeners” that we often unconsciously build in when we speak. Our reader Elena contradicted this in a comment. She writes:

“I say that I often communicate very clearly. Firstly because that really helps more, maybe also because of my character. Result: I am perceived as bossy, arrogant and undiplomatic. Perhaps it bothers a counterpart (male and female) too much when a Ms. instead of 'decorating' her sentences with sweet smiles, nice phrases and a look in her eyes."

Nice but determined

A topic that I've been thinking about myself since a friend told me that you have to be nice but determined. Stay nice and polite, but still prevail - can such a squaring of the circle succeed at all?

At first I am tempted to reject it like Elena. If you want something from someone else who does not want it, this inevitably creates the negative feelings described by Elena. Or not?

The magic word is sovereignty

The magic word is sovereignty. The management consultant Dr. Cornelia Topf has recently taken up the question what real sovereignty really is and how to look confident even when you don't feel that way. I have summarized your statements here again in brief:

  1. Arrogance and arrogance seem intimidatingly sovereign to many people, but often only serve to cover up insecurity.
  2. Many people consider themselves sovereign, but it often looks different inside. However, real sovereignty comes from within.
  3. Even in delicate situations, you can shine with a successful appearance.

Confident or bossy?

The fact that other people don't see you as assertive and confident, but as bossy and arrogant, is only ours Appear and due to the inner attitude. I didn't want to believe that at first. But as I thought about it more, I realized that many of the situations I encountered with my Behavior was offended can be attributed to a lack of sovereignty.

So I either did not feel taken seriously, insecure, or I was fully convinced that due to negative experiences I was entitled to a certain behavior - another form of insecurity.

Change the behavior of others with simple communicative tricks

It can already be simply communicative Tricks completely change the behavior of the other person. There are also 3 important ones Regulate to note:

  1. One of the biggest mistakes in relationships is to convey bad news or disappointments using the foot-in-the-door method, i.e. only with a little bad news, so that it can grow bigger step by step. Start with the horror scenario! That makes your life a lot easier.
  2. In order to get your child to confess to “5” in math, do not threaten TV or PC withdrawal, but pretend understanding: “OK, I did not always give my parents the right grade. Between us, what do you really have? ”
  3. If necessary, you will leave the dock during the boss interview and switch to the coaching staff unexpectedly. Ask questions, feign interest in the big picture. Ask questions such as "What are your plans for next year?", "Where do you see the greatest challenges and priorities?", How can I help you? " Without further ado, you become a colleague!

Rethink your inner attitude: 3 tips

It is indeed necessary to rethink the inner attitude, even if that is difficult. However, I have to admit: Not always and in every situation you get ahead with serenity and being nice. Often enough, it's simply about power.

  1. One should ask: why do we appear weak in certain situations? The answer is often: Because we expect the worst.
  2. Usually you get what you expect. And vice versa: as you give yourself, you will also be treated.
  3. That helps: remember particularly positive circumstances and how you felt about it.

The wiser gives way

Or you have to deal with people who lose their hops and malt because they simply don't like polite manners weakness hold. That's where you feel fast like in the famous story about the goats on the bridge, who both fell into the water at the end.

Something like this happens when the positions are so different that no agreement can be reached even with the greatest negotiating skills. Then there is nothing else to do but throw the shotgun into the grain. Because in fact often simply gives way: the smarter one!