How we speak can also change the way we are perceived and how effectively we communicate. We should pay attention to that!

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Listen to what I say? Spoken language

You may not have thought about the relationship between spoken language and non-verbal language Communication stands, but there is definitely a connection. It has less to do with what we say and more to do with how we say it. Spoken language does not only consist of the words themselves or theirs Significance, but also from (paralinguistic) characteristics such as our inner attitude, tone of voice, volume, speed, intonation, possible speech disorders or pauses - even the fact of whether we speak or prefer to remain silent allows certain conclusions to be drawn.

A boastful, hasty speaker attracts attention not so much for the content of his utterances as for the manner in which he delivers them. Conversely, we appreciate the calming manner of a considerate and aware speaker, but we will too fast impatient when someone speaks too slowly. These are just a few examples of the non-verbal properties of spoken language. However, you will soon discover that there are aspects of communication beyond spoken language that can improve or enhance our ability to communicate.

Less is sometimes more

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Quick, who was Edward Everett? No, there is no shame if this name means nothing to you. Edward Everett was President of the HarvardUniversity, Secretary of State and US envoy to Britain and one of the country's best orators. Three years before his death he was asked to do so on a most important and solemn occasion, the most important Rede to keep his life. This event tracked that Objective, to commemorate an episode in the history of the American nation marked by deep suffering and sacrifice, and to make tangible the horrific epic struggle in which the citizens of that time found themselves. Before a Audience, which had been waiting for days, Edward Everett gave a speech of just over two hours (two hours and eight minutes, to be exact) that lived up to every expectation that was placed on him as a gifted orator. Unfortunately, like his name, his speech is like that: no one remembers a single word.

After Everett had finished, the next speaker was introduced and his speech is amazingly remembered. He didn't even speak a full three minutes and summarized the highly complex topic, as well as the countless victims, in 272 words - just ten short sentences. His speech was so short that the photographers present didn't even have a chance to get their cameras ready; therefore no footage of this memorable speech exists. But his words live and resonate with us today. The speech began with the most improbable of all introductions, which immediately captivated his listeners: "87 years ago our fathers founded ..." Those 272 words, not the preceding two-hour address, hit the nail on the head Head. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, delivered at the dedication of the military cemetery, is world-renowned for its simplicity and its ability to illustrate the high cost thousands upon thousands of People had to pay to the Idea to keep alive a united democracy. This extraordinary speech had been written by a sharp mind, legally schooled and practiced in influencing juries or, in this case, its attentive listeners and a deeply divided nation. Lincoln understood all too well that more is not always better; most people appreciate it when complex issues are kept simple. The brevity of a message can even reinforce their statement, which in this way sticks in the memory all the longer.

The nonverbal art of listening

In order to really understand your counterpart, two things are absolutely essential: empathy and active listening. The Chinese character for "listen" is comparatively complex; it consists of the characters for »ear«, »Eyes«, »heart« and »undivided awareness «. There's a world of difference between listening and listening empathetically.

Think of someone you would love to be in Trust pull. He or she is probably an empathetic listener. There are studies showing that doctors are less likely to be sued when they listen carefully to their patients, express empathy, and use reassuring gestures (for example, by making physical contact). Stockbrokers who can listen carefully to their clients are less likely to be criticized when a Investment proves unprofitable or share prices fall. The leader who has a sympathetic ear for the personal or professional Problems of her employees can reinforce their loyalty simply by listening, even when she cannot actively help to improve the situation.

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Verbal is closely related to active listening Spiegeln, which goes back to the work of the well-known psychologist and author Carl Rogers (1902–1987). Verbal Spiegeln is a simple yet amazingly effective therapeutic Methodto quickly connect to another person. I have found them very useful in my FBI work to open channels of communication that might have remained closed with a less empathetic approach.

Rogers believed that a more effective therapeutic relationship could be built by building every question about the person's psyche. He did this by listening to what his patients had to say and then literally using that information to respond to them. When his patient said "my home" spiegelte Rogers the linguistic Behavior of the patient by also having the Term "At home" used instead of, for example, "House". When the patient said "my child," Rogers also used the word "child," not "little one" or "daughter." verbal Spiegeln is a helpful tool in fields of activity in which it is important to have rapport, i.e. a positive connection, to establish; this applies above all to physicians, psychologists,Seller, financial service providers and politicians.

Linguistic egoists

Unfortunately, most people are very selfish when it comes to language and prefer to use their own terms to describe a Conversation build and create. However, in order to communicate with maximum effectiveness, it is advisable to use the language of the other person; through this spiegelYou don't know what's going on in the head of the other and thus create a calming effect on the linguistic - and even on the psychological level. Suddenly you find yourself on the same wavelength as the person you are speaking to.

I'm over 50 years old, and in my youth we had "problems," not "differences." If somebody asks me, "Are there any differences on your side?", I feel less addressed than in the phrase, "Do you have a problem with it?" For me, "differences" are less important, and I assume that many people my generation, as well as the even older semesters, the same view.

The inability to use language preferences spiegeln

The inability to use language preferences spiegeln, often encountered in mine Business-Seminars. The business people there assume their clients understand the same terminology as they do. But that doesn't necessarily have to be the case. You have to listen carefully. So if your client asks, "How much will he Fun cost?” you should avoid talking about the “price level”. Because otherwise you will talk but not communicate effectively and certainly not compassionately and openly eye level.

When a client says that “the economic situation Anxiety power«, then you should convey to him that you can understand his »fear«; don't respond with phrases like "I understand your concerns." He has no "concerns" but "fear"! By picking up on what the other person is saying (i.e. concentrating on the other person and not on yourself), you are letting them know that you can fully empathize with them. The other person subconsciously feels understood on a deeper level and tends to be more receptive to you in turn.

The common linguistic denominator is important

I learned early in my Careerhow important it is to find a common linguistic denominator. That was when I once dealt with a fugitive criminal. After I arrested him near Kingman, Arizona, he began sharing stories about his life. As we drove to the judge, I picked up all the terms he'd used earlier: "awkward," "embarrassing," "worried," and "a good Christian." I assured him that I understood that he was embarrassed about the whole thing, that he must have been uncomfortable with being arrested and that he was certainly worried about his Mother thought of him, especially since he was a good Christian. As a result, on the short drive to Phoenix, he began to trust me. He revealed things that other investigators had missed, including additional victims. I did not receive this confession because I was particularly clever, but because I had recognized the power of verbal Spiegelable to develop.

So listen to your clients, patients, employees and business partners, be aware of the terms they use and use them to your advantage. The same goes for your friends and yours, of course Family. You will find that you are perceived as a much more empathetic and attentive listener.

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