Methods for more quick-wittedness: setting clear limits

There is only one way to deal with imprudence or insults: Set limits, immediately! An offense is a violation of personal honor. - Who, however, establishes where an insolence ceases and an offense begins?

By Shakespeare and Co

“Be careful Streit, but it has to be, so lead him so that your opponent is on guard against you. "

said the English playwright William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616). Or, to put it in the words of an elderly peddler, a young colleague complained about being at the door so often insulted would

“I was not opened, even though I had an appointment, sent me away, slammed the door in front of me, chased dogs after me. But insulted - nobody has ever insulted me. ”

Insult - a definition thing

Everyone defines 'insult' differently. One is already offended when he is only looked at from the side: "What are you looking at?" The next person doesn't even feel offended by swear words, they take them as an invitation to play - or even as praise. Like Captain Spock in Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan (1982):

"I am Vulcan, I have no ego to offend."

Decide for yourself

Decide where a rudeness you're about to deal with ends and an insult you're about to deal with begins clear be rejected. You'll have an easier time if you set the bar for insults fairly high. You should still accept that some things just hurt and linger. Trying to understand an insult is honorable, but it doesn't mean you have to accept it!

Tip: Insults always express an emotional state of excitement under which the language becomes inaccurate. That is, except in high security roads with lots of red buttons, mostly harmless. Verbal abuse is mainly due to the speaker. Nevertheless, if someone calls you 'Arschkrapfen', 'Diplompetze' or 'Erfolgsniete', he crosses a border. No one can do that! And then you act in justified self-defense.

Friendly but definite!

Of course, that doesn't bring you into a relationship Order, that you in turn make the other person realize what a stupid dog he is. Ask Instead, tell him what you deserve for him to treat you like that. That's a friendly boundary, yet determined. This also works here:

“I will not speak to you at this level. We take a break, adjourn the situation and then meet again. ”

or

"You tell me what annoys you so we can talk about this topic again in peace. ”

Put the conversation on the scene

The Criticism Getting ironic, loud, personal, or even punitive would do that Conversation keep it purely on the relationship level. The longer we stay there, the more difficult it becomes to get back to the factual level. Stay Smart:

• Do not let the emotional mood, the loudness, and the degree of unfairness of the attacker impel you.
• Avoid justifying yourself.
• Do not make unnecessary explanations.
• Before the situation escalates, break the conversation responsibly.

Your personal basic law

No one can offend you, says the basic law. This also applies to you in your defense. Stay on your good level. They do not even need to be loud.

A firm but quiet voice, at least a bit quieter than that of your counterpart, can even be a lot more defensive act. The most important rule when it comes to insults is: nip attempts in the bud immediately! clever People ignore insults, because if you get angry about it, you're punishing yourself for the mistakes of others. How does that work? Look at the situation from the outside.

Hover above the clouds

Wise people ignore insults, for those who are annoyed about it, punish themselves for the mistakes of others. If you realize immediately that they are annoyed, give the attacker power over themselves, and you should not allow anyone.

Therefore, consider an attack and the situation from the outside and make the dispute the actual topic of the conversation. Take an example from the verse of German singer-songwriter Reinhard Mey:

“Above the clouds… what seems big and important here would suddenly become small and small.”

Get off on the Feldherren hill

What can help you with this is a custom model, some call it the inner commander's hill. If that's too militant for you, then imagine having angel wings for the same purpose and you can always use them for another Perspektive take off to look at something from the outside and overview.

The idea of ​​angel wings creates an additional phenomenon. If you walk through the city with it, you will experience that people actually give you more space. Wings just need space ... The best way to get to the meta level is through ego messages or sentences like this:

• "What rules apply here?"
• "Do we want to treat each other like this?"
• "How important is that?"
• "What should be discussed first?"
• "Does that bring us closer to our goal?"
• "What shoud that?"

I-message

The last question imposes a justification. You look at the situation from the outside and at the same time get your counterpart out of his or her thinking channel. Through I-messages we express expectations, desires, ideas and feelings out. So let's not pretend to be unassailable or always cool when attacked!

To do this, we should first become aware of our feelings before we address them in the second step. That steers them awareness away from the attack on the relationship with the attacker. Because no one can say to you, "You feel wrong." Or: "You don't feel that way." Or: "That's not true." Once the relationship has been clarified, you will also find it on the factual level fast Solution.

Save energy for the essentials

Also, think about how important something really is to you. Stand out yours Energy up for the essentials.

"You are absolutely incapable!"

Possible answers:

• “The report may not be what you expected. Still, that's no reason for you to treat me like that. ”
• “I was amazed at the general rejection of my proposal. Please explain in detail what specifically speaks against XY. ”
• "Your statement is inappropriate."
• "I find that very hurtful!"

Another possibility is that Behavior to address the other:

"Mr. Müller, why are you reacting so indignantly now?"