Each of us knows the “inner critic”. He interferes in our thoughts and actions without being asked. He gives us supposedly benevolent advice and admonishes us about what we must, shouldn't or can't do.
- What is actually a wusel?
- “The grip on the hot hob”
- Not every experience brings meaningful insights
- Mental blockages arise in childhood
- What children really listen to
- Well meant is not good
- Help, my label
- Limiting beliefs
- Caution Dwarven
- I can do that - and not!
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What is actually a wusel?
I call this inner critic “Wusel”. There is the dwarf maker, the darkseer, the howling buoy or the pusher. They know that limiting beliefs, inner values and unfavorable Strategies are important building blocks of every Wusel.
Therefore, it is now time to pursue the question of where this Wusel actually come from. You don't find them on department store shelves, you can't buy them in the Internet order, but they arise within us, are suddenly there.
“The grip on the hot hob”
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Because there is always an origin - if you will, a kind of birthplace of wusels. In order to understand where the respective beliefs, values and strategies and thus also their own wusel come, it takes a time journey into the own past.
"Careful, don't count on it, the hotplate is hot!" Is well-intentioned advice that small children hear when they approach a hotplate that is still hot. Have you ever had the experience of what it feels like to actually touch a hot plate that is still hot?
Not every experience brings meaningful insights
If so, you may still remember the pain you experienced. After such an experience, there remains insight and the caution associated with it, better not again Hand place on a hot stovetop. The experience resulting from this learning experience "Caution hot, hands off!" is exceedingly useful.
Unfortunately, the learning experiences are big as well as small People (collect) in the course of their lives, but not always as sensibly as in the example of the hot stove.
Mental blockages arise in childhood
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Rather, we often draw conclusions from what we have experienced that are neither meaningful nor coherent, but lead to mental blockages be built up and Wusel be created. A Wusel can be born at any time. Most of the time, however, the hour of birth lies far in the past, because the Basics for Wusel are often laid very early in childhood, when little people get Wusel as a gift or inherited from big people.
The children's world is therefore full of sentences that are said by tall people and are heard and interpreted completely differently by children's ears. But that's not all. As if the “private logic of small people” were not already challenging enough, there is also the phenomenon of label sticking.
What children really listen to
There are a few children who are told with a certain intention of great people, but show a completely different effect in small people. What do children like, for example?
- "Don't touch it, otherwise it will break."
- "Yes, you are tired."
- "Pull yourself together, boys don't cry."
- "Hurry up, you're wasting our time again."
- "I'm sure you can do that much better."
- "You do not do such a thing!"
- "Try harder!"
- "Don't do things by halves."
- "Always do your best."
- "You are just like your father / mother / grandpa / etc."
- "If you go on like this, you will never make it."
Well meant is not good
Some of these sentences appear well-meant, others just rash. However, the statement that is received by the child often differs significantly from what was actually said. The sentence “Don't touch that, otherwise it will break!” If it has been heard enough, it can be understood as "I am awkward and always break everything".
The constant encouragement to pull yourself together may teach the child that it is far more desirable to Control to keep and not to allow feelings. And means "Don't do things by halves and try harder!" maybe also that mistakes are undesirable or that everything always has to be almost perfect?
Help, my label
Many small people are already given a label of parents, teachers and other people from their surroundings. There are the lazy, the timid, the dreamer, the zappelphillip, the classclown, the no-purpose, the stranger, the fighter. Some children sooner or later rebel against these labels and develop into the exact opposite.
Other children, however, do not do this and take the label into the adult age. They take what someone has said about them into their own repertoire of beliefs without asking themselves whether the supposed truth of what they hear is right and helpful to them.
They adopt limiting beliefs, inner values and unfavorable strategies of other people and integrate them into their own imagination. They assume the basics for a buzz without any ifs or buts.
Eric Berne, an American psychiatrist and founder of the transactional analysis (a psychological theory of human personality structure), already recognized mid-20. Century that adult people can be brought into a childlike, self-limiting state.
He called this mode the so-called "Child-Me" and distinguished it from the "Parent-Me" and "Adult-Me". A person who is in the “child ego” makes themselves smaller than they really are and experiences them World around from a child's perspective.
Incidentally, this is an Eldorado for Wusel like the Dwarven maker. He can do this either from the perspective of a more defensive, adapted child and respond to the environment in a resigned, anxious, uncertain, helpless or inhibited way, depending on the context.
Or he can Perspektive 15 of an aggressive, rebellious child and being moody, naughty, angry, spiteful, fussy, or unhappy.
I can do that - and not!
In addition to the most problematic state of the "Child-ego" there is another, no less problematic state, namely that of the "Parent-ego". Do you know that when your own inner voice tells you what not to do, what to do, what to do or not to do?
In this state one experiences oneself inwardly as reproaching, accusing, condemning, judgmental, punishing, prohibiting and authoritarian. Wusel like the printmaker or the rule fanatic find this condition optimal, the person who is in this condition tends not to Communication can of course not only be experienced in internal dialogue, but also in communication with others.
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