Many introverts suffer from their shyness. In order to cover that up, you have almost trained yourself to use extroverted facial expressions and gestures. How does it work? And is that useful?
- The problem with the poker face
- Life as a theater personality
- Spontaneity and stress - a fatal combination
- With the charisma of a frozen fish fillet
- Introvert vs. Extrovert: Like cat and dog
- Approaches to solutions against uncommunicative body language
- A fake smile helps
- Why seeking attention is not an advantage
- Speech is silvery, silence is brilliant
- From introvert to good speaker - how does it work?
- Top books on the subject
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- Corporate publishing and advice
The problem with the poker face
When an introvert listens with interest, it may appear that they have slipped into an apathetic state of shock. It's not what you see that tells you whether a person is an introvert or not. Certainly there are things that are considered typical of that Appear apply to introverts. We can mention such things as conservative clothing in earth tones or shades of gray and a preference for black. A stiff facial expression and a monotone voice are other classic signs.
But many are colored by the zeitgeist. Many were taught rhetoric in school and taught about building their own Brand to think. They may have deliberately created an image to be seen. As a result, many of the classic signs no longer work. What a person's attitude reveals is that Pattern of life in general. The important question is: What do you do when you don't have to do anything? Behind this question lies the answer: A true introvert has a lot of quality time with himself.
Life as a theater personality
I have a good friend named Manfred who creates contexts in which he is the focus. He considers himself introverted, but that's not something anyone would believe. He calls it his theater personality. If necessary, he pulls out a no-nonsense party goer. With a firm voice and a proud demeanor, he takes the stage and seems to speak straight from the heart. But there is always a cheat sheet. He always makes sure that he gets a lonely moment before the time comes. He plays a part, brilliant.
This is something I have become aware of since this topic has been discussed in the media. Many of those we think of as extroverts are actually not extroverts at all. There are Peoplewho have fled social contexts since childhood to find peace. People who may not have understood their introversion but wondered if there was something wrong with them.
Spontaneity and stress - a fatal combination
spontaneity and Stress are a fatal one for me Combination. One night I happened to say to our CEO, "Only a man knows what pleases a man." I still find it difficult to explain why I said that. At the time, I felt compelled to say something spontaneous, funny, and memorable. In the end I can say that at least I managed to say something that wasn't forgotten.
It calms my conscience that I am not alone when I say the stupidest things under stress. Nobody in the universe is dumber than a stressed out introvert. Studies show that introverts are vulnerable in the thought process. Stress causes our thoughts to get mixed up. The strength we normally have in terms of logic, reflection and analysis disappears. Extroverts, on the other hand, are spurred on by stress and pressure. They work faster and more precisely when they are under pressure. Some extroverts claim that the best things they've done in their life came about in the heat of the moment. Stress is the Achilles' heel of introverts. We play best when the opponent isn't there.
With the charisma of a frozen fish fillet
For example, one evening when I won an award: If I had been forewarned that I would receive the award, I would have had a better spontaneous speech. The strength of introversion lies in the anticipation, reflection and the opportunity to prepare. How much time do I have to think about it? is always my first question when I am faced with a task. For introverts, getting some distance from the subject is a necessity.
One of the pitfalls for introverts is what happens when the subject is really interesting to us. If we're really interested, we get the same charisma as a frozen fish fillet. The more dead the look and the stiffer the face, the more we listen. Emptiness on the outside means empathy on the inside. this is in contrast to the extroverts who work the other way around. The livelier their facial expressions, the more interested they are. My Ms. insists that I say something monosyllabic sometimes, or at least blink when she speaks. She wants this so that the others around us don't think that she is talking to herself.
Introvert vs. Extrovert: Like cat and dog
As a teacher, this has confused me on several occasions. Despite being an introvert myself, I forget what a poker face means. I think most introverts are unaware of this either. Sometimes I've stood there and felt like I wasn't Audience get back. The rows of seats were full of absent or, mine Opinions after annoyed faces. But afterwards they got in touch and raved about how much they loved my lecture were captivated. The signal of interest is just different for introverts than for extroverts.
Similar communication problems exist between cats and dogs in the animal kingdom. When a dog wags its tail, it is happy. When a cat wags its tail, it wants to kill you. This is one of the reasons cats and dogs don't always get along so well. I myself work to try to be more active when I am the listening party. When I'm really listening, my gaze often tends to drift away. I find it easier to focus on what is being said when I'm not getting visual input from the narrator at the same time.
Approaches to solutions against uncommunicative body language
Sometimes it helps when listening to the Eyes close. That's because a lot of pictures in my Head be painted while I listen. It's confusing looking at two screens at the same time. If this is misconstrued as disinterest, I understand. I now try to show interest by leaning forward, nodding appreciatively, and laughing when it's funny. Sometimes arise ProblemsWhen I'm kidnapped by daydreams Then I listen with half an ear and laugh at the wrong time. Some people are intense when they communicate. you speak fast and loud. They use every quiet second and look at you I aufmerksam in the eyes as they speak. This is a typical extrovert trait.
I know also introverts who plunge into conversations like this. The effect it has on me and other introverts is that we turn away from them about 45 degrees as if we are trying to protect ourselves from a storm of words. My wife used to talk about the iPhone bubble. That's what she calls my self-defense maneuver at these moments. When someone gets too intense, I lower my gaze and check my phone. This way I get a few seconds with no stimuli to breathe. Our traditional view of the speaker and audience is wrong. We think we want to listen to an extroverted speaker and we think we want an introverted audience. In reality, it is often the other way around. You want an extroverted audience because they are engaged, interested, and inspired in ways that enliven the space. An introverted speaker makes sure that he gets to the point in time instead of going on a spontaneous word excursion. An introverted audience is cautious and sometimes openly criticizes minor factual errors: "According to Wikipedia, avocados weren't allowed to be imported into New Zealand in 1978, but only in 1979."
A fake smile helps
People who know me say that giving lectures makes me stiff. I tried to smile more, but I realized that my expressionlessness comes from a strong inner focus: the more I smile, the less I know what to say. For some reason, as soon as I smile, I switch off. My poker face is an ingrained part of how I and many introverts function.
I would say your poker face is a Advantage of introversion. I remember lectures where I was nervous. My voice was trembling and I could feel the red throbbing on my face. The sweat made my face slick and my lips were sticky. Afterwards I was told that I had to be calm and confidence radiate, even though I was really, really nervous. It's reassuring in a speaking context to know that your nervousness isn't being noticed.
One strong reason introverts thrive in a lecturing role is because it gives us the opportunity to talk about something in private. In everyday conversations, we are used to extroverts snatching our word from us as soon as we don't speak quickly enough. As soon as you're on stage, you have the chance to convey content exactly the way you want it to. You will also have the chance to deliver them in one unbroken line. In many ways, the speaking role is ideal for the introvert if he can overcome his stage fright.
Why seeking attention is not an advantage
Like in this situation: We sat in a circle with our chairs. The moderator was obviously an extrovert. No matter which way I turned, I had to meet someone's lingering gaze. So a handful of us sat and studied our shoes. The extroverts looked ahead and smiled in the faces opposite. I noticed her straight away. The look screamed, "Look at me!" Leopard tights, bright red eyeglass frames and a colorful feather boa drew all eyes. We started with the obligatory get up and tell me who you areexercise. Or, as introverts see it, bragging about yourself as much as you can in a short amount of time.
One person stands up in turn. With each person, the pressure on the next speaker increases a little. With every leap the word makes, it becomes a little bit more important, a little less funny, a lot more serious and coming across as someone who is both successfully as well as worldly. I understand the purpose. The lady in the loud outfit couldn't sit still. She was impatient to be told who she was. The acrylic nails with stars on them drummed impatiently against the armrests of the chair. She didn't hear a word of what the others said to her. Now it was her turn. Taking a step to the center of the ring, she began grandly opening up about her passion in life: herself. “The first thing you'll notice about me is that I need a lot of space in a room. I like to talk a lot and luckily I have the gift of language. "
Speech is silvery, silence is brilliant
Then she didn't stop. At a million words per minute, she launched into a fifteen-minute monologue. I was so amazed by hers Self lovethat I got sore muscles on my eyebrows. That was pure narcissism. She was the closest thing to a caricature of concentrated extroversion. And silence really would have been more brilliant in this situation.
No one takes speaking for granted. Many extroverts have, as this lady put it, the gift of Rede. But much less do they have the gift gut to speak. Getting up with ease and speaking spontaneously is not the same as doing well. The biggest challenge for an introverted speaker is to trust yourself and get started.
An icebreaker often helps: when I'm in Berlin, for example, I usually start by apologizing for my speech impediment, the Swabian dialect. When the audience laughs, the ice is broken and my nervousness is blown away. The way I see it, nervousness is a constant companion for an introvert in these contexts. Stage fright is something you have to learn to deal with. It has to do with the hormones. It doesn't take much to stress out us introverts. Even though I've spoken hundreds of times, I can still feel uncomfortable in this situation feel. Today I'm a good speaker, no trotz my introversion, rather wegen my introversion.
From introvert to good speaker - how does it work?
Although I have given many lectures, I always have butterflies in my stomach before a performance. For an extrovert, the challenge is more about not killing the listener with words. An overly extroverted speaker tends to use too many words and not enough pauses. It took a week of torture at the Dale Carnegie Institute Speech School before my journey began. There were long days filled with exercises where I had to give impromptu lectures on all sorts of topics. I was shaky in voice and Hand during each presentation. In the evening I came home drenched in sweat and stared straight ahead with glazed eyes.
The training left me mentally exhausted. But I kept going anyway because I felt like it was something I could get good at. After this week I was back on my feet and that's a good thing. I am absolutely convinced that all people can teach. It's just a matter of practice and self-criticism. My key is to really focus on the first sentence that I conjure up. I try carefully to choose a spontaneous one-liner or a thought-provoking quote. Then I use it as an icebreaker for the audience.
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