Overcoming fear of embarrassment & shame: Just let your pants down

To be ashamed, according to Brene Brown, sociologyProfessorin in Houston, one of the greatest human fears ever. On the other hand, being extra embarrassing helps - for example, by lowering your pants in front of members of the English royal family.

Overcome shame

Brene Brown must know what she's talking about, she's been on the subject for years Anxiety researched before embarrassment and shame and says: "For a happy life it is important to overcome this fear." how to do this For example, doing something extra embarrassing – even if the following story is a bit difficult to implement, if only because it will be difficult to also find members of the English royal family.

However, the story behind it is extremely successful and also true. It was told to me recently by a colleague in Dublin. The story shows that even in situations where others would die of embarrassment, one can remain calm. That being said, it's just funny.

Queen Mum and the anthill

Said colleague is a photographer and was on a state visit to the now deceased Queen Mum in Zambia. As is the case with photographers, he looked for the best position on a small hill, tapped a step to the left - and stood in an anthill of red ants. So he tore off his pants.

The security wanted to become active at first, but then they were able to do so Lachen don't hold back. Queen Mum hadn't missed the scene either, but nobody said a word about it. Protocol had to be kept.

“It's great that you're feeling better today!”

A few months later another photo appointment with Queen Mum, this time in France. My colleague in the front line. Queen Mum came up to him and said: "Nice that you are better today than last June."

What would you have done in such a situation? Just Honestly, I would have died. Standing in your knickers in front of Queen Mum, who then remembers you and confronts you about it is about the most embarrassing thing I can imagine.

Get rid of the all-or-nothing attitude

For perfectionists in particular, such an event is a personal meltdown: it shows them that they are far from being as perfect as they thought they were and that they can by no means manage to do everything under Control bring to.

In addition, many perfectionists tend to adopt an all-or-nothing attitude and also regard small mistakes and embarrassments as a disaster. In order not to get into this situation in the first place, they want to avoid mistakes and shameful situations at all costs by meticulously preparing for a situation in order to be prepared for any eventuality.

Social fears that inhibit us

Behind this are often social fears, which often run deep. It is not uncommon for the embarrassing horror scenarios in question to paint themselves in the most glowing colors, which in the end usually never materialize. Thinking is actually not a bad thing, as long as it leads to a result and is completed at some point. Also that one occasionally worries and worries about important things and future events Problems avoiding it as much as possible is normal.

However, it becomes problematic when thinking about potential embarrassments becomes aimless, pubic brooding. Because then you want to control a situation by being aware of it and anticipating it as much as possible. So you try to collect as much information as possible and to illuminate all facets of a problem.

Embarrassments cannot be anticipated

At the same time, perfectionists tend to approach even minor aspects of a problem as if they were important things worth knowing every detail of. This makes small problems fast great disasters. In relation to the situation described above, this would mean that the colleague would have inspected the site with military precision the day before. However, it remains questionable whether he would have identified the anthill as a possible problem despite all preliminary efforts.

Because that's the crux: you can try to avoid embarrassing things - and you'll never quite make it. Because such embarrassments and mistakes are part of the imponderability of life, unfortunately they cannot be avoided. It makes much more sense constructive dealing with mistakes and resulting for the Future to learn. To do this, you must first become aware and analyze what exactly went wrong in the respective situation and what you could have done better. Then you will know how to react in similar situations.

Die from embarrassment?

However, my colleague made the best of it and was happy to tell the story with a lot of charm. He probably couldn't have done much else. And he shows that what is embarrassing is still determined by everyone.

Staying cool is therefore also the best Solution for situations of embarrassment. Just the Stress. Switch off. If necessary, revisit the topic at another time. Because if you continue to feel ashamed, you will have more and more doubts that, in extreme cases, you will no longer be able to eliminate. If your Brain On the other hand, if you give yourself a break, you will occasionally be surprised to find that things take care of themselves. Or not that bad, but just a funny anecdote.

And that is exactly what I like about this story: Whenever I feel embarrassed in the future, I will think of it.