The desire to be the best, always and everywhere, arises from a mixture of ambition and Anxiety. It is intensified by rumination. Caused by mistakes in upbringing. And ultimately has a very simple reason: Everyone wants to be loved.

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Pondering makes problems worse

Science has proven: the longer and more detailed we are about a Problem ponder, the more difficult one appears at the end Solution of the problem. For example, because we paint the consequences as much worse than they are - we catastrophize. Panic ensues. You get even more scared.

That's one way of finding a solution: if you know that trying harder doesn't necessarily lead to better results, you can leave it alone. One can get this mechanism with a simple signal clear do - so every time you start to brood, say “stop!” to say. Or attach a rubber band to your wrist and pull on it.

Simply switch off and disassociate!

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Or Simply switch off. To make a sport. Relaxation exercises or yoga. So that you can balance your stress hormones.

Realize that things might not be as bad as you thought. For example in terms of language: one tends to exaggerate like “it’s all totally terrible”. Because our brains do it out of convenience fast just categorized to be able to process new things faster.

The brain outsmart. Exactly question where you see the problem now. Less black and white thinking. Divide up the mountain of problems that you may see in front of you. This makes the problem smaller, you de-catastrophize.

If then…

One last, very important aspect: there may also be a very banal reason for these fears. Everyone wants to be loved and recognized. But if you learned very early in childhood that you are only loved if you achieve a lot, then maybe you have it on account im Head:

If I do everything really great and perfect, I get recognition, so love of Executive and from colleagues. Only then am I worth something Or: If I look great, the man loves me more. Conversely, if it does not work, I will not be loved.

And it is precisely because of this desire for recognition that one then does stupid things: for example, one lets oneself be burdened with mountains of work because one does not dare No to say - the boss, the colleagues, the man could be mad at you. So love withdrawal. I'm exaggerating that quite deliberately - maybe you're just afraid of it Konflikt, wants to have his peace.

Convention prevents saying no

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And it's just social convention, especially at Women, that you are not loud, not rebellious, not “bitchy”, say yes well-behaved, nice smiles. Maybe the others have gotten used to the fact that you always organize and manage everything, run the shop and don't see the problem.

How strong this convention is, how much bosses, colleagues and husbands expect it, only becomes apparent when you say no – because then suddenly everyone is very, very, very surprised. One more reason to give it a try. If you don't dare, you can try it in points where it is not so important - with small test balloons. Just see how far you can go to see what happens. Can also Fun . make

No-say helps with time management!

Saying no is so important because it is the solution of many Time management-Problems is: If you just think about what do I want and what is important to me and then focussed and not distracted by other people from his Objective can be dissuaded, has already won a lot.

Or by simply turning off the phone, the eMails, etc. However, it is important to argue your “No” well. The moment you stand out from the crowd Stress freaks out, it's already too late. You have to start much earlier and, for example, explain to the boss that he gets more out of it if you come to work well rested. Or show that you can do the same thing in less time.

Respect please!

Because the perfidious thing is: the others often don't take it as badly as you might think. There is a very good example of this in Amy Chua's book: The older daughter who always does what she does well Mother says gets yelled at for doing something wrong.

And she complains that the younger daughter, who rebels against her and always defies, is never yelled at, but on the contrary bribed with gifts.

The others are always promoted

And it is exactly the same in professional life: it is not the promotion of those who have done a great deal. Because this is often the people who can not show themselves so well. And because the boss thinks: Hard working beekeeper, super, keep doing so.

But Respect did he before the Performance just not. But that's exactly what matters, as a study by the Respect Research Group at the Uni Hamburg. You are much more likely to be respected if you stand by your goals and convey that in a friendly but firm manner.


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